and there i go again: *Boom*

No one can ever please everyone now can they? Even in help, people interpret it many ways. I won't even think of justifying myself or saying things that might make me look like some good person, because i'm not.

all i want is for you to see that i meant no harm or ill intention. my ways may not be what you agree with or are comfortable with. you didn't offend me dun worry, but i'll change. i'll change for you. Why? coz i'd rather you smile at me for one day rather than what it is now for the rest of my life or yours. and i'm sorry for puttin you in spots that aren't what you're comfortable with. I've already told her that i won't bother her about it... but i'm glad the two of you are so close. :) makes me smile.

and this goes out to everyone in general. if i have offended you in ways that i haven't realized or never mentioned... i'm sorry i did, please do forgive me. i fail many times. i try to learn, but God will only teach me thru failures. friends, family, people who hate me... whoever you are, do forgive me.

pls dun think i'm emo. i'm not. i'm jus glad to be able to see that God's behind all of this and that He's just showing me a tiny bit of what He went thru before He was spared of it all on the cross. To think He endured SO MUCH more till He gave up the ghost... any problems i face would be a dustmite compared to the 'grandeur' of the hate He was 'bestowed' upon.

He came not to retaliate... but He came to re conciliate us with the Father. no matter what we did and how we responded to His help and kind gestures. What did we do?

When He smiled at us, we laughed and scorned at Him.
When He touched and healed us, we whipped and flogged Him.
When He died for us, we killed Him even more with our rejection of the gospel.
When He rose and gave us life eternal, we said we don't need a God, esp not Him.

Brothers and sisters in Christ and people who have yet to trust in Him... think about this. take 5 minutes out of your time to commit your thots to Him. maybe you have had, like me, a chance to be reminded of His grace, mercy and love firsthand thru an experience or maybe it's jus thru what i jus blogged bout... how then do we relate what we go thru everyday to Him? :) It's times like this that i thank God the silver lining on every dark grey cloud is so obvious and evident that even a fool like me can see it shimmering in the sparkle of a moist and rained upon day. :)

Thank God, Thank Him. Thank You, Jesus.

A good end for a normal day

this song has been speakin to me a bit. love the chorus. Will upload the song asap.
lyrics are below.



Chris Tomlin - The Way I was Made
Caught in the half-life, I'm caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I'm tired of, what's holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
And All I've forgotten help me to find
All that You've promised let it be in my life

---

Today was good.. managed to do what i wanted to do with good company as well..

it was sweet. literally and i was able to get a taste of what the others were like. But most importantly, i'm glad for the company. something i've been dying for for a long time i guess. something that plays at my heart and makes me yearn to do sumthing yet not.

Hope you liked the small gift from the rest of us. it's bear-ly enough i think but i do hope you do, stop and smell the roses from time to time. :) and thanks for giving us jus one night out of that schedule of yours. i suppose it's been tough. and you know we're, at least i am, praying for you. what we did at the traffic light is jus a small indication of what we're doing for you every day oki?

tomolo seems like an ok day too. haha hopefully can come home and clear up the stuff i need to do. many many things need to be settled. it's great to be busy again. haha... yuppers. will look forward to the next day we can all fellowship again!
p.s. setting a positive mindset to a lot of things makes a world of a difference. :) Have a good week guys.

BGR RETREAT by Chien Chong!
Check in: 7pm, 9th March [Fri]
Check out: 12.30pm, 10th March [Sat]

Bring Bible, Stationary, Sleeping bag, a friend [if you can]
COME COME COME! It's gonna be SO fun!

Pursuit of Happyness

Today was absolutely fun. :) okok, so maybe that's an exaggeration... but it sure was a blast... not one bad thing about the day actually... kinda... minus the dumb runny nose. haha. so the day started out late, jus the way i love it.

Got out of bed at 7 plus to get ready and met up with Alvin a little late. so sue me, i was late... sorry. Realized, after waiting, that we didn't have much time to take a slow bus so we ended up cabbing to Vivo... arrived like 20 minutes late but didn't kenna anything except having to explain ourselves of stuff to various people who bothered to ask... or point fingers at. :)
Took the new monorail thingy to Sentosa and after walking a bit, found ourselves at the Entrance of the 4D Magix show...

It was about Pirates and it was quite cool [though TOTALLY not worth the money]... got water effects, wind, air, movement.. everything la.. so it did engage the senses la.. but like i said, it's NOT worth like wad? $16 lor. haha luckily the army paid for everything. ahha... yeh, so it was a cool experience that i'm glad i didn't pay for. haha

Went to the Luge ride after that. that was prob the best part of the trip can.. it was like super fun.. even though this was the 2nd time i'm doing this... i guess it helped coz the first time was like learning how to use it, this time... i jus chionged. haha started out the 4th guy in our grp coz of the Queue... but as i raced down the hill, i passed people like Kelvin, Commando and even Warren Low. haha.. it was cool can. jus speeding down the road swerving left and right.. it was a total kinda escape-from-worldly-worries-and-jus-race-down-in-reckless-style time. hahah.. :) cool can. it's a must for you if you go... but it's a bit pricey though. so get your boyfren to pay. :)

Had OTOT till bout 12.10pm where we met at GV Vivo to watch 'Pursuit of Happyness'... that was quite a good show can.. it seemed quite long [we sat inside there for 20 minutes of trailers and advertisements.. i almost died]... but it was a good show.. feel good and stuff when ya walk out, but the whole show quite depressing overall until it picks up later. :) There were moments in the film that was moving and sad at the same time.. but it was manageable. haha.. i do recommend the show to whoever wants a show to watch.. it's worth jus having a thot-provoking moment.. :>

After that, i had my retail therapy with Reid, Alvin and Ada... i went crazy coz i bought a jacket i was eyeing from a shop.. then went to a shop nearby and fell in love with another more suitable jacket which cost less and yet could reverse so it's like 2 jackets... argh. was so angry that i bought the first jacket.. so in a moment [which lasted really long coz i have a very rational mind when it comes to spending money]... i decided to buy it also... ended up coming home with 2 jackets and a jeans... all bought at one shot [kinda]... wowz.. it was great manz... having new clothes and wearing them gives you a enthu high that's hard to match...

i guess there's this part of me that's very different from normal guys... i like to shop. even when i'm not shopping... as in, if a fren needs to shop, i'd very much love to go with that person and jus be a shadow or aid in their shopping experience..
and when i DO shop for myself [which is rare]... i do find joy in buying sumthing new. quite... fulfilling i guess. haha so maybe i'm jus weird, i dun really care, i do like this... haha
And i'm not brand-conscious... otherwise i wouldn't have bought what i did today. haha trust me. :0

then after that had a nice dinner and more window shopping with alvin and ada.. it was kinda fun to get to know her too la... then after that headed home to jus rest after a long day of activities and shopping. ha... such a great day. :)

Retail Therapy rawks my socks off. :>
now, ON TO THE WEEKEND! :)

Cohesion Events Galore!

There are a few people who should skip this entry totally.

1. Those who are about to enter the NS and wanna see what it's like.
2. Those already in NS and are PES A and B.

For the rest, enjoy.

---

So this week has been and still is a very interestingly free and fun week.
Monday
Coz of sum errand i had to run, i took a half day off. So there was no work for me with regards to the afternoon though the morning was spent in the workshop... which is always tiring but fun. :) Getting the chance to learn more and more from the seniors and seeing how they can impart little workshop skills not taught in the books. So after finishing my errand, met up with Dad to look at some cars. However, in the span of an hour or more waiting for him at Eunos, i was approached by this guy called Eugene. I offered him a seat next to me at the steps coz he was like squatting. After doing his survey, i chatted up with him asking him what studies he's doing now and all. He's going into NS soon but came from ACJC so we chatted a bit and i encouraged him to keep approaching people and all.
After that when dad came, we left to ubi where we checked out some cars and then headed home for a relaxing night.
Tuesday
COHESION EVENT! We went to Singapore Science Centre and watched Omnimax about the Human Body. was so cool can. seeing the intricate stuff about how a body works and all, jus reminded me of what an Amazing God we have... to put it all together and without error. :) Then we OTOT-ed till about 12.30 where we were dismissed. Spent a little while going back in to fully enjoy my Science Centre experience... then went to town area to shop for Prom Shoes with Sing. it was fun jus chilling with her and shopping with a girl again... dun really get to do that much nowadays.. so that was kinda like old times. Then we made our way to Cathay to get the tickets. Watched Half Nelson with Rachel and Tricia and then headed to SMU after that to meet up with Debz and Jiamin.
Had a nice chicken rice dinner whereby Justin joined us after. The two of us went to eat Dao-Huey at Selegie while debz and jiamin headed back to sch and rach and tricia went to raffles city.
After having a nice chat and sharing session with my best bud, we headed to meet up with the girls and head home. It was a great and fulfilled day. ah. :>
Wednesday
Today was COOL! spent the whole day working in the workshop and really just being more and more confident about the vehicle i'm working on. :) it's always fun to get dirty coz once you've gotten dirty, you'll be willing to do anything after that. and that wad makes the day fun and happening. :) Subsection 1 rawks. haha. Went home after work coz i didn't end up doing wad i originally planned on. it's ok, it was still good.
Thursday
Most of the senior people will be away so it'll be a relaxing day. can work slow coz work's already assigned and it isn't much la. so we'll see... quite slow i guess so yayz. :> Care Ministry Seminar in the evening. hope i got energy for it.
Friday
COHESION EVENT 2
Heh, we're going to Sentosa for the Luge Ride, 4D Magix show and GV Vivocity for 'Pursuit of Happyness'... all paid for by our darling army. yayz. haha it's going to be fun fun fun. maybe going to sun tan too. yayz. then i'll be more tan than i already am... then my name would be like.. joel tanner... but i'm not a tenor.. i'm a bass.. hmmm HAHA k k, enuf nonsense. :)
Got half day off though. hmmm haha... see what to do. :>


Yup... that's the weekdays so far. whee! fun fun. Dun hate me, hate the people i work for, they organize the things, not me. haha

The Torture of self torture

Was watching some video [won't spoil it for you] whereby a person had to purposely make someone he loves stay at home because he wanted to protect her from being killed that very night. He knew the future and thus had to ensure her survival by forcing that decision upon her.

A supporting role then told him, "You know, she'll probably hate you for the rest of her life because of this"... and to which he replied, "I hope so".... it was quite a painful scene watchin him having to deliberately do what he didn't want to do so that in the end, she benefits... and then later on, he had to fake that he didn't know something and so did she and the conversation that went on between the two was heart wrenching coz both are like hurting but yet they can't show it...

It was quite a sad moment while watching the video. That you can or might have to choose to do something you don't want to do and you know that other person wouldn't want to do it too.. but you have to coz in the end, it's the best way or the safest way... to torture yourself so that the other person benefits from it whether knowingly or not. Phew. painful.

could you miss a person so much for so long till you grow numb to missing them? would you forget after a while and would the pain of not seeing them slowly go away?

Weird Dream

I had this real weird dream today... k k, i always have weird dreams.. but it jus popped into my head as i'm sitting here eating breakfast.. totally forgot bout it when i woke... but it goes something like this...

I was with a group of frens [dunno who] and we were somehow visiting Qiang. The place he lived in was like... beyond jia lat.. it was like rocks everywhere and a hill.. some funny tunnel that we had to go thru before we reached his little trailer/house thingy. hahhaa... super funny.. then when we went in, there were people like Sharon [visiting him as well] and about 4 more people who apparently were other attachment people. haha well then we asked him to show us his room and all [and i tell you, the place inside was like some small motel with nothing lor! haha]
So we walked into his room and there was like this small room la... like a small toilet can! haha... and then there was this bed that's like 4 deckered bed... lol... you should have seen the matress can. SUPER SMALL... hahaha... then i asked his which level he slept on and he was on the 3rd level but when he lay down to show me how he sleeps, it's like only his torso's on the matress, the rest of his body is hanging out. ahaha.. sigh, why do i picture his life there like some begger? hmm
oh, and there was one computer next to the beds... one. :)

Yeh, nothing much la... jus wanted to blog about this humourous dream i had... sigh. come back qiang. sniff. :)
chinese new year post below!

Chinese New Year

Happy CNY to everyone! Whee! bring in the bacon... literally... i mean, come on, the highlights of cny HAS to be stuff like NIAN GAO... BA KUA... and all the nice nice goodies that i didn't hesitate in gorging myself with today... it was fun eating and seeing stuff you dun normally see on non-cny days... like red everywhere, people dressed up and stuff. :)

Church was cool. Managed to get alone time with God again. guess that's why i enjoy services... coz i have my little seat there in the front side... where no one else dares to sit [dunch know why. maybe it's coz i'm there]... but in the time i'm there, mostly dun get bothered by people unless thru sms... esp coz yuan was conducting and tricia was playing so the front row was occupied by me at one side and adrian at the other... a wide open gap in the between us both. haha...
Tricia dressed well today.. but i felt the birthday girl topped the charts... she should.. considering how it's her weekend. Yeh, anyways, it was quite an ok service to me... didn't feel smashingly wowed by it today and felt that it might even have been a bit rushed... trying to please and satisfy all the families that were jus waiting to go bai nian... sigh.. kinda sad how people can sumtimes put other things above God and only give Him wad's bare necessary... but well, i'm like that sometimes too.
So that was that for service.. managed to jus chill and hang with eunice and wei-en for a bit after service... guess it's time to start really talkin to people i can talk to or should talk to... rather than standin one corner and wondering where all my peers have gone to. haha... Didn't even come into the fellowship hall today can... save for a short while to jus do a walk thru [i think]... that's bout it... dun even talk bout talking to the youths. :)
Almost left without saying my wishes and greetings to her. thank goodness i managed to spot that bright pink jus before i left. turning back and giving my fleeting wishes was worth it. it was funny, i glanced at my family rushing to the car and then i glanced back at her and realized it's sumthing i needed to do. after all, she's done so much for me... So in that split second, i walked away from my family to shake the hand of my only other family i knew in church. and then i went back and left church. dropped her an sms to remind her of what she meant to me and how i'm glad that nothin much has changed between us and them.

heh.. funny how small things can be so impt to you and such a whim and fancy thing to others...

The rest of the day was basically jus watching movies and movies in grandma's house and cousin's house.. i tell you, to me, this year's CNY celebrations have jus meant movie marathon... dvd that is haha... :) but it's still fun i guess... realized that i dunno whether the next generation's going to be able to still stay strong and bonded. only time will tell.

Yup... that's it from me from day 1. :)

it's been 4 weeks now. 4 weeks. today i struggled so hard. :) A single message would have been great. They say absence makes the heart grow stronger. i feel my heart growing colder. Loved your outfit, but only i'll know that. Ah!

Selling Flags

just sold flags from 12-3 with Nicholas at Tampines Mall... it was really fun... Volunteer basis la so there's no salary or CIP hours to collect.. jus a fulfilling time of standing around. :)

Though it was kinda sian to get ignored, siam-ed and brushed off, there were times when my heart was indeed lifted up.
Whenever a small kid comes running to me or cautiously approaching me with their money in hand, i would bend down with a beam on my face and say a bright big thank you. As they come to put their money in and get a sticker in return, it jus makes me feel so good and happy that i'm doing this flag day thing... it makes it all worthwhile i guess... seeing their smiles or innocent faces. :) Kinda makes me think that to them, they feel they might be saving the world or sumthing.. like their 10cents matters to the entire human race and its struggle to survival... untainted by the world and it's evil snares, to the child... this is all that the world's about. :) to them, and to me at that point in time... we both echo the same words... "it's all that matters. that i did my bit for charity... for the world."

And then the next person shrugs you off or totally pretends they didn't hear you... then that snaps me back into reality. hahaha...

but it was fun. didn't wanna stop actually.. once the motor got running, it became indifferent to be rejected.. much to the point where i didn't really care who they were or what they said, if they didn't put money in, i'm jus gonna move on to the next person. :)

Yup, it was fun, fulfilling and an interesting way to spend 3 hours of my lunar new year's eve. Whee!. Happy Chinese New Year to everyone! Xin Nian Kwai Le!

Happy Vday

***Updated below. Photos will be uploaded soon. When i get them.***

It's finally that time of the year again. When all the hearts are fluttering, all the eyes glazed over and all the florists rich...

Valentine's Day

Don't we all just LOVE this occasion? A date set aside on the Calendar of our busy schedules to take time to smell the roses. But we dun jus stop there, we pick it up and pass it to someone special. It's the day of the year all girlfrens look forward to, boyfrens save up for and couples spend together. When i walked thru Orchard today, it was quite fun seeing all the couples [JC kids and younger... sigh] walking hand in hand with a small $20+ bouquet of roses or flowers. Each girl with a smile on their face and each guy with a girl around his arms... it was nice. :) nice and saturnine... sweet was the word for today i guess...

Sweet, just the word i'd use to describe the Ice Cream a dear fren treated me to today... Pepper Lunch... nice ice cream, bad food [or so i hear]... You gotta try it [not the food]... but yeh, it was fun to know that i could still go out with a fren and be sure that there wasn't any funny thots in either of our heads about the day. :) It was funny and fun i guess to just meet up for that short span of time. thanks for the company while i waited for my basic theory test.

Yup, took it today... and passed. yayz. it was so nice seeing the big word PASSED after i clicked ok... talk bout relief. haha.. got my Advanced Theory test booked... same day as some frens who are retaking. aiyo. sounds tough... but hey, that's why not everyone's driving rite? :) Kinda hungry now...

Singles Supper Prata happening later again for the 2nd year running. yayz. haha we'll see who turns up this year... hope we can all spend our Vday with each other and God... and of course mr. Prata seller. haha.. :) i want prata.

Yup, so the mood today is good and happy. I mean, after getting half day off from work coz of some plans for tml that eats into our normal off, who wouldn't be happy. :) Work's going good.. fun fun... but sumone asked me b4 not to call it work but the Army... well, i would think calling it work would be less confusing... so yeh, Army [work] is good.. last few days as a trainee... using the best of it. :)

Now, that was a totally randomly typed out post... so unlike me to not structure anything... thots or words... guess after trying random........ I STILL LIKE STRUCTURE. hahaha. :)

Happy Valentine's Day / Friendship Day everyone!
************************************************************************************

*** Single's Supper was great. Though i waited by myself at the prata place for one hour coz everyone was friggin' late... it was still better than doing nothing. It was kinda fun jus hanging out even if the TV did get a lot of attention, the time we spent just laughing about everything, it was fun.... plus, we all share something special, we're all Singles. :)
14/2=7 [140207] Photos will be up soon!***

Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps

Perhaps he'll never again open his heart.
Perhaps he'll never expect her to ever start.
Perhaps he'll realize that it's better to hurt early.
Perhaps he'll be loved by her, surely.

Perhaps she'll wonder how come it's been so long.
Perhaps she'll miss him with feelings so strong.
Perhaps she'll figure out why he's doing this.
Perhaps she'll see that ignorance could be bliss.

Perhaps they'll never speak the same way again.
Perhaps they'll never recover from the strain.
Perhaps they'll long and wish to be, from this pain, free.
Perhaps they'll see, that maybe, they were never meant to be.

the 3 perhaps that could happen in a relationship turned cold and hard. just thots off the top of my head. i wonder whether it's painful for him to jus stop talkin to her the way he did. i wonder whether her realizing something's different in the way he talks would prompt her to really ask him whether anything's wrong.... and not take the first answer as his final answer.
I hope she doesn't stop asking him coz we all know how the first answer's the defense mechanism. He'll fight within himself to be true to what he promised himself and yet he knows that no matter what he does, she still means too much to him to lose.

It made me think to myself... could you care for a person to the extent that you'd purposely slice yourself bit by bit out of a person's life so that their life would be better. say... you were the problem. would you? would i? :) only i know.

perhaps.

Observant

I realized today with no space for confusion that i've changed. Changed in one small aspect of my life that kinda shocked me a little. :) never thot i'd become what i am now in terms of this but i've noticed that it's quite obvious to me. what then are you asking? well, i no longer am part of the crowd or group... and it's done voluntarily i guess.

I'd rather sit one side, watch the group or people and jus smile to myself at what i'm watching or looking at. Maybe it's part of me to observe now since i'm moving away... from the yf, from sch friends... from army friends... whatever it is, i feel that sometimes, i can jus sit back, watch and thank God at what the group is now. I guess it's like stopping to smell the roses... but i'm mostly glad at what i see la. :)

Today i found myself doing that three times. and all of it was unconsciously.
Once was during YF when i sat back at watched Yuan close the YF and the YFers all paying attention to the challenges he was issuing and feeling the conviction within themselves to Evangelize.
Second time was after YF when the guys [Nick, Hens, Ben, Adrian, Shawn] were playin ping pong. Partly coz i had blisters on my feet [owwie!] but i didn't wanna play too. So i sat there for a while with my music in my ears [you'll know wad music later] and i just watched them have fun, laugh and share their youth with each other. :)
Third was at a fren's 21st birthday. It's like a re-union for poly friends la... and i sat back after gathering all the updates from everyone. Girls are in Unis, Guys mostly in the army. Watchin them and seeing how somethings changed and some haven't... it was kinda nice to observe them just joking and being fun and all. :)

Guess now i draw strength from knowing things are going well and fine. :) Part of me also knows that this thot will one day [sooner than i think] lead me to think that i'm ready to leave. Whether it's in an extreme case or just in small bits like leaving yf to yaf... not impt... it's whether i'm willing to be humble enuf to know that it doesn't really matter if i leave or not, coz it's all in God's hands... and not mine. :) Just glad that He's preparing my heart and me to slowly de-root myself from stuff like YF. Maybe that's why He's taken all my peers away one by one. I've always complained to Him about that, now i see why He did so. Heh. how short sighted Rui is.

I'd love for my wife to sing like Olivia Ong. This song is just being played over and over in my zen today... Sweet Memories by Olivia Ong. Here's the link...



Goodness, if someone were to sing this song to me in the same way, i'd drop down on my knees and propose on the spot can. Her voice is just so beautiful and soothing.
Gosh... *rui's knees get weak and buckle under his already-jelly-like body*
Yeh, so do hope you like this song and know that i love it. haha... p.s. She's Singaporean. :-s

Yup, on to the 2nd day of the weekend! wootz... one day jus flew by like that. :) haiz. haha

Disappointments

Sorry for the overkill of emo posts... but yeh, i haven't been the best of spirits lately. :) and whenever i blog, it's about something emo. :) well, to justify it, i haven't had the most joyous days lately so yeh. :)

YF yesterday was really great. dun wanna blog bout it coz i dun have the time and effort to do it... but yeh, it was very enriching. thank God.

Today, got reminded of sumthing today again. I know i'm always a giver in a relationship and that because of that, big or small relationships... i sumtimes still suffer. :) you put yourself on this rock and lift it up with hope jus to see it crashing down one day or sumthing like that...
i guess i jus dun like to be disappointed and lots of times, i am. :) so yeh, trying not to be affected.

Just hate to waste weekends like this... or more specifically, sundays. but if you ask me what i would want to do... i wouldn't know either. maybe jus to hang with a fren to talk or drink coffee and chill. i admit, i'm getting old and dun like to do young people stuff anymore like go arcades, watch a movie, blading, table tennis, soccer....
or maybe it's jus this emo-tive time of the month/year/life. hhaha dunno. we'll see.

today was hmmm alrite. service was really great. being in praise team made quite a lot of difference and i really enjoyed and was blessed by the worship we had today. message was quite cool too... took down notes, sumthing i haven't been doing in a while. gotta get my butt off the chair and buy a notebook... can't keep using it as an excuse la. :)

p.s. Shawn, dun worry bout it. but thanks for helpin me a bit today. and dun think bout it la, i know wad to do. :)

I'm so sorry, brother.

*Edited the title coz someone thot this post was about relationship issues. it's not. :)*

Don't know if you'll ever read this. but you know wad i'm sorry about. i know that words can't even come close to helping.. but there's this emptiness within me when i think about you now. what i did to you. what i caused. what's going to happen now. You're going to go thru sh*t coz of me. all coz of me. really. from the deepest crevices of my heart. i'm sorry.

typing this after you left. i still feel like sh*t. really, although i was able to keep calm, composed and fine about it all, it'll start to really sink in tml. when i tell them about it. then it'll come like a tonne of bricks. that's when it'll finally hit home hard.

if you never forgive me for it [despite your undying apologies to me too]... i won't be surprised. but trust me on this when i say, you had no fault in this in my eyes. i shouldn't have done it, neither should i have to make you pay for it. but there's nothing to say to you now that can change things so i'm sorry.

sigh. life's gonna change quite a bit from now on. thank God for His help in this situation. Never wanna do it again. What was i thinking.

For those who aren't who this post is written to, Please, don't ask what this post is about. respect my privacy enuf to be mature when i say i won't and don't want this information to be passed to anyone. thank you and i'm sorry to you too.

Sorry

I really did want to blog. but i got no time.

sorry.

i'll blog when i can ok? btw. pray i dun OT. today got a big 'job' lumped onto my skinny shoulders. if i ot, i won't be alive come saturday. haha

p.s. Guitar strap's being fixed now. await the debut on saturday! :)

Feeling better + NEED A BIKE!

Well, today was interesting. i played a back seat at work today coz i woke up from being sick last nite... still felt a bit jia lat but when i reached camp, the medicine slowly kicked in. good and bad.

good - i was feeling better coz i wasn't sniffling away and feverish.
bad - i was drowsy can. kept dozing off but my instructor was understanding and let me nod off here and there without making noise about it.

still felt achey and didn't have much energy the whole day but God let me have a relaxing day today so i didn't need much strength. Neither did He forget me when OT was cancelled today... so here i am, able to get some time out of camp. Went to bedok to hunt for bicycles but found none. instead, i found a good friend i dined with and watched 'War of Worlds' with... :) thanks, your dinner company was greatly appreciated. hehe. dunno if you read this anyways.

oh, and thanks to Cherie for being a real treat to the day. Only person who messaged me today who meant sumthing. thanks for asking and going out of your way and out of your normal behavior. :) i really do appreciate it if you didn't already know. knowing who you are, it must have been hard, that's why i really do want to dedicate at least one paragraph of this post to you. to tell you how much it meant to me that you asked, you.

On other news, i need/want a bike... bicycle. :) consider this. the walk into camp is about half an hour... everyday... and if i'm rushing or late.. i'm dead... so i've been meaning to purchase a bicycle for in-camp use only... thus, it has to be cheap and relatively not shiny or fanciful yet nice enuf to ride. :) budget is $50... but that still means i need to buy stuff like 2 locks [yes, i dun intend on losing it to some Bangla worker], a basket [so i can put my bag when i ride], a bell [so i dun knock some guy down] and some mud guards [so i dun get mud-spotted when i cycle out in the rain]. :)
if anyone has a 2nd hand bicycle they wanna throw/give/sell, please let me know... i'd love to consider it and chat up a possible deal. :) transportation can be arranged for the bike. :)

yup. rally call for help with the bicycle. :)

about the prev post... it's over and blogged so let it stay in history yeh? :)

on other news, i'm kinda jus drifting thru the day today. mind was kinda elsewhere too. :) nothing much i guess, jus wondering whether i'm lookin forward to this weekend and whether i'm ready to come to youth worship. :) dun wanna be leading with a fake front rite? :) prayin God will cont to inspire me and guide me.

tml and wed possibly OT. sighs... see how la. :)

Blasé

Yeh so today kinda bites [only coz i can't use the word Sucks]. despite some bits being nice and tangerine.

thanks for the guitar strap. it's not going to be forgotten. praise God with me yeh?

other than that... i guess there are somethings i do want to say but yet don't... so forgive me for being oh-so-vague. :)

You - didn't speak with you for a week. i pushed you out of my mind every day the thot of you came into my mind. didn't see you today. maybe it's for the better. will try one more week.

You - a glance maybe. will be prayin for you this week. hope i dun overdo it. :)

You - if you've got something you wanna say, you know you can always come and say it to my face. we're far beyond being courteous in terms of what we say to each other. if my words have bugged you or disturbed your evening, i'm sorry but you know why i'd send them. if i had gotten one reply, i would have stopped.

Justin - Thanks brother. your trust and faith in me will not be taken lightly. this is just the start of a good frenship.

Sorry for spoiling your mood with this post people. but i don't want to keep it bottled up. it eats at me. yup. Jodi, remember what i said in the foodcourt today. make sure when THAT happens, i dun become like THAT.. coz today, i kinda felt like THAT... like.. like i didn't need or want to be in church. :)

A friend recently left his church coz of some stuff. Hmmm. wonder if that's a possibility with me.

Wrote this today out of the blue...

The things I want
I can't have
The things I wait for
I have no patience for
The things I hate
I've become
The things I love
Are slowly losing meaning.

Have a good week. God be with you all. I'll be fine. I always am. Just dun step on my tail now.

Busy busy OT

I am so busy i can't even blog. got home last nite real late coz i OT-ed at work... They needed many many hands coz they gotta pass out [clear] quite a number of vehicles by monday. i expect to OT today again...

over time... over time.. over time over time over time!

ahha.. yup. and i can tell if i dun OT, i'll still be busy today coz of care ministry. sigh. dunno whether i should be so busy. saturday's yf prep for this week and next week is gonna suffer. ahah i jus know it. sigh. anyone care to help? lol. nvm that was rhetoric.

take care peeps. looking forward to this weekend.

Day of many thoughts

Wowz. yesterday was quite an interesting day. had normal church service and then went out for lunch with Eunice, Yong Jie, Jodi and Debbie to discuss Worship stuff. haha i didn't contribute much except maybe fries and a smile... haha... didn't discuss much that needed my contributions la i guess. haha

anyways, i will blog tonite coz i got no time now but yesterday was a day filled with thoughts and sharing with a close friend. i dunno why but everything seemed to pile up yesterday and i came to know of an interesting piece of news too that shocked me. haha.. but it's kinda cool though. ok, gotta go to camp/work now. see ya!

hope you like my blogskin... baby blue yes nick... but i love the layout and neatness of it... ok so my high C is screaming out yes yes yes... :P haha... i need structure no? :P

p.s. yayz for Friday. wheeeee!

Blessing others and encouraging them

So i set out a task for myself this week. to bless and encourage each exco member to the best of my abilities. i dun think i succeeded in getting everything i set out to do. but at least for the ones that i was able to, it made a difference.

I thank God for giving me the chance to see them smile. For giving me the opportunity to make someone's day or at least make an impact and help them in whatever way i did. whether it be sending an sms, chatting online, meeting them up for dinner, helping them with a task they didn't have time to do or whatever, i'm glad that at least i was able to help. the heart in me screams out for times like this where i can jus help people and see their smile and that's all that i need. :)

so to the exco members, i'm sorry for not being able to bless every one of you, i'm sure i failed to meet everyone's expectations and wishes but i pray that you be patient with me as i continue to make this not a weekly thing but a lifestyle of blessing you and others around us. thanks for giving me things to do too. :)

Just wanted to get it off my chest coz i guess i didn't wanna hold it in... jus glad that God is giving me a sorta spiritual high that helps me see life so much better. so much so that every day counts for Him and that as i travel thru this short span of time, may He help me bless as many people as i can.


YF today was great. i was glad that it all went well and some things along the way really put a smile on my face. thank the good Lord for that. :)
Tricia shared openly with the yf about the news. i think it not only takes guts but initiative and willpower to do that. strength unseen is always stronger than physical strength. and i respect that, that ability to admit when you know it's not good news. i could never. i would be too vulnerable.

Really dying to get the exco to hang and chill. think we all need a bit of it. Tricia needs it after what happened. Cheryl needs it coz her weeks have been jus mad packed it's even killing me watching her like this. Celia needs it coz our dearest sister has totally lost her voice and morale in so doing. Debbie needs it coz she's gotta take time to check on us. Julia needs it coz she's thankful for 16 years of life and frens. Nick needs it coz it's one sure fire way to keep on track with the Lord. and i need it coz i'm me. and i wanna spend time with them. i'd love to say Qiang needs it coz he's been away from the exco for so long.. but he's still away. sigh.

yup. kinda have quite a lot on my mind. personal things... i dunno what to do with some stuff i can't solve. i dun wanna talk here coz i fear i'll be too vague in wat i say coz i still do need to protect myself and those around me. maybe it's all self induced, maybe it's the body clock ticking, maybe it's just coz i see what i see around me. but i've been thinkin a bit.

pray thee well. the weekend is half done. i'm so happy, yet so sad. monday monday go away. dun come back another day. HAHA. :-S i'm just glad i dun have to stay in camp during weekdays.

whoever wants to date ask me out for dinner, do let me know. we'll work something out.

p.s. i jus realized i post blog posts on sundays and then mondays... then sundays... haha how interesting.

Just A Girl - Incomplete

Came up with a short little part of a song i plan to write one day... sooner the better. it's very general and the lyrics are really gross. but thot i'd post it up just for fun. :) It's not a song yet why? coz

1. No Chorus/Bridge
2. No tune

Heh... but here is my incomplete thots today.

She's just a girl
Who caught my eye
Saying she didn't catch my heart
Would just be a lie

Before I knew
We became close
We loved talking 'bout everything
I loved her the most

She's just a girl
My greatest joy
But come on, who am I kidding?
Look, I'm just a boy

I kinda hate it now i look at it. :)

Youth Worship - 5 Love Languages

Hey peeps. it's almost been a week since i last updated so here i am, sittin in front of the com trying to type out a blog post with nuthing much in my mind. :) the Exco are coming anytime for exco meeting so i shant be bloggin long. :)

just wanted to say that yesterday's yf was great. i volunteered to lead worship coz it's the first Youth Worship session for the year 2007... and i wanted to do something different la. set the bar right so that the future youth worships can also slowly change to be a more formal/serious setting and session... i jus want everyone to have a mindset that during these once-a-month meetings, we mean business... we're meeting the King of the Universe, the Holy prince of peace and the God of your lives and mine.. and yet, we're still meeting our Father... so we should come prepared and with a mindset to worship Him and to learn from His word... i mean, we only enforce it once a month so let's all try to give God the reverence He deserves. :)

yeh so i lead worship with Yuan and Adrian. Jo and i gave a special item called Wings of Dawn... but it's a chinese song la... and i loved it. ever since Yan Sing sang it to me last time a long long time ago, i've always liked it. Then CF sang it a few times [Sing too la.. haha] and so i wanted to present it also but never could find the opportunity to. :) but with Youth Worship, there's no problems...

which brings me to my next point. If there's any youth out there reading this [which i'm sure there is]... if you wanna put up a special item but too pai seh to do it in front of the whole church, you can use the Youth Worship sessions to present an item to the youth. :) so it's not that scary rite? i really really really wanna encourage this spirit coz i feel the Youths have a lot of talents [just look at the recent Lynn-Cheryl-Jamie combo] to give but are too scared or ashamed to present it during Service. :) So please, if you wanna put up an item... simple one also can no problems.... just approach me directly or any of the Exco members... and if you dunno who's in the Exco... now you can't say you don't coz they are...
Qiang, Debbie, Celia, Tricia, Nicholas, Julia, Cheryl and yours truly. :)

yup yup. everything went well and Rev Goh was really entertaining. still learnt quite a lot about the love languages even though i've read the book before [highly recommended. go pick it up... 5 Love Languages for Singles or Teenagers... either also can] the talk was GREAT... felt really encouraged after that too la.. not coz everyone was saying how they were glad i was there [i knew that would happen when i volunteered to share my answers.. argh] but coz the youth were enjoying the YF and learning from each other and Rev. Goh. :) that's what i love to see, youths being edified. now what better feeling can you get than that? :)

yup. life's good. might post up another post soon coz there are things going on in my head.. but this is it as of now. :) Take care peeps. tag me! haha

JB trip

Here's a video that we took during our recent shopping trip to malaysia. it was super fun jus getting away for a day to shop. :) added the words below so you can follow. typed out word for word.. you better appreciate it. haha



Rui: Hello my name is Rui. We jus came back from a Malaysia trip to... stop shaking the table, Ben. To JB city square and we had a lot of fun shopping. Probably my first time shopping without my family people. And i bought 2 tops! and yeh, another top also la. Yay! We'll skip Adrian for now.

Ben: My name is Ben. I bought a shirt... and that's pretty much it. Yuan Yuan.

Yuan: Urhhh. I need to sleep ah. Next time you go shopping in JB, wear better walking shoes. Next time you go shopping anywhere, wear better walking shoes.

Adrian: When you go JB, bring toilet paper coz there's no toilet paper in the toilets. And the toilet cost 20 sens. 20 sen. no 'S'

Yuan: Sumtimes, there's no toilet paper in Singapore also.

Jodi: Bcoz you share the same toilet with Zhi Han. Haha.

Wei En: Hi, i bought 1 dress and 6 handphone. They were cheap! what can i say, they were cheap. they were not expensive. 6 handphone... thingies... appendages.

Sab: When you go JB, remember to check the expiry date on your passport. I need to extend but i couldn't I... I.. I...

Ivan: I didn't go JB but i'm here for coffee with them.

Rui: Yeah, we waited an hour to get the bus back. And in our frustr... never mind.

Adrian: It was a very long wait.

Rui: This is our frustration. *shown tearing bus ticket* 2.40 ringget to... it's 2.40 sing to go there and it's 2.40 ringget to come back. doesn't make sense.

Jodi: Mala___ans are stupid. Haha.

Adrian: She's crazy.

Yuan: Ben looks like a gangster. tried to rob us.

The rest is nonsensical fun. :) enjoy

Bimbo Cheer

Oh.. my gosh,
I think i need a manicure.
The sun... i swear
is bleaching out my golden hair.
Red, blue, yellow, green.
What's the colour of my team.
I don't know... I don't care
I just wanna do my hair.
21, 34
i don't even know the score.
Go go, fight fight
As long as i look alright.

:) cool cheer can. haha but super bimbo yo.

No Sacrifice

Today's service was nice. The morning started out rushed coz i had posters to do, testimonies to fold and staple... all last minute. :) but i managed with the help of aaron and shannon. :0 haha...

Anyways, the point of me bloggin now is coz today's service was quite touching and nice. The songs that they picked today weren't like out of this world or any different from the normal.. yet they were nice to sing. nice range and all. haha. then there was the special item put up by Rachel, Ben, Adrian, Yuan, Cheryl, Lynn and Jamie.

They did their mime with the Jason Upton song 'No Sacrifice'... it was real good... but something during that special item moved me quite a lot and as i sat there, sumthing ran thru my mind and as i sang the song silently... i quietly almost broke down can. biting my lip, i struggled to maintain composure as the song rang thru my head. knowing the song, singing the next verse before it was sung, it stung my heart i guess.

Maybe it was coz he sang so well, maybe it was coz they danced so well. maybe it was coz she danced so well. maybe it's coz i couldn't stand singing lies to myself. i dunno. just felt halfway that what i sang didn't match what i felt.

yeh, but i thank God for reminding me thru the song that there are still so many things that i have to get right with God. Thanks to God la that He was there touching me thru that item. And i thank every performing who did sumthing today... the performance was really touching and good. :) you guys did a great job. it was really moving.

Other than that, today was quite good. thank God that i spent the day quite fruitfully. :) even now, Shawn Tiang is sitting next to me at home. haha... yeh that's bout it la. jus wanted to remember how i felt during today's performance. :) No sacrifice... let's all work together for it. :)

New Year's Eve

*** PHOTOS ADDED BELOW! ***

Here's the first part of the post. the dead no emotion listing of what happened.

New year's eve:
Went to church in the morning. Presented an item with Sean, Debbie Tan, Abigail. Accompanied 2 groups of people to eat lunch. Joined up with Jamie, Abi and Claudia and went to Orchard with a few other youths to pick up Nick's iPod. Went to Auntie Wendy's house and helped setup the place. Played a bit of Basketball. Hung around till the party started. Listened to a few testimonies. Counted down. Shook hands and sent my wishes. Stayed back and cleaned up. Played games in a cirlce, Whose line is it anyway with the youths. Sang songs and made jokes. Caught 2 hours of sleep. Woke, ate, cleaned up and left for Katong to play LAN. Came home and crashed. Woke up to get ready for JB with a few YAFers. Leaving soon.

ok, now the accounting's out of the way... here's my thots.

New Year's Eve:
Woke up quite stressed coz i was puttin up an item i just learnt the day before and i was majorly late since i forgot that i had to go early. stupid me. i really blame myself for not making it a priority in my useless brain. Anyways, after reaching there, it went quite well la. i think it sounded ok. anyways, put up the item [which in my opinion was horrible on my part].. heard feedback from the rest that they couldn't hear me and abi coz of the mic until halfway where the mic was adjusted... so thank goodness they only had half of the torture. haha.. anyways, did my testimony after that. spoke about army, YF leadership, YF younger ones steppin up, family [dad performing, mum's operation, sab's graduation] and finally shalom being a place i treasure a lot. then after service, went downstairs to talk to people like Luke and catch up with others who i always talk to too. After that we went out for lunch but i had no appetite. Was like, waiting for them to eat and then Nick called and said he's going orchard, asked me to join him. so i met up with him and we left for white sands. Met up with Jamie, Abi and Claudia and caught the train. made the journey with my music and thots flying thru my head as i couldn't help but look straight. I'm glad shawn was there coz it was nice i guess, seeing him all fine and all.
Went to orchard and just took the time to people watch and be myself, alone. Met up with jodi and Seng Lee and arranged transport so the girls could go together. Was hopin that transport was some other way but small matter rite? :) So upon reaching, was able to hang in Cherie's room with the youths after helping Uncle Aric setup tables and chairs. Just sitting there watching was a bit hard to do coz i would have loved to say sumthing to people. talked to claudia and managed to at least keep a short conversation going. :) hope she didn't feel left out.

People came and i had dinner. Got my shirt from Tricia. it has a heart that's half filled o... forget it. here's a pic.

Love the shirt and was really glad that i got it. thanks Tricia if you're reading it. i love it. :)

Anyways, after that, we had testimony sharing. Sat there in front of the crowd coz i was clicking the laptop. sitting there, it's like there was no crowd at all except one person. you know who you are. couldn't really focus that much coz my head was kinda filled with thots and all. every smile was like an earth shattering rock to my world. anyways, after that we had our countdown and joella stole my first 2007 hug. haha but it's ok. she had been buggin me for it for a long long time. :) managed to grab jamie in the hurry and blurry of things... mei, you're ultra skinny u know? :) haha... anyways, was hard prying her off, gripped me like some life float in a storm. haha. :) thanks mei. :) then she left after that with the rest of the crowd. Said bye to Auntie bee leng and all those who had to leave too... like the Puas....

after that we stayed back and cleaned up the total mess and had games that were super fun. had so much laughs and fun playing the "saat saat" game in a circle. haha... then we had whose line issit anyways and realized that i could actually think quite fast on my feet and it was tough yes, but i'm glad that we had some fun people who were sporting enuf to participate. :) aaron was a holler. :)

Yup, then we stayed up and tried to stay awake and all... fighting the ZZZ monster by entertaining each other with songs and on-the-spot jokes and lines. :) it was real fun. haha always singing about how Cheryl's falling asleep or Lynn's nodding off. haha sigh. but after a while, it was real hard and we slowly knocked out one by one. :P haha

Woke and had breakfast there... spent the morning jus hanging, chilling and being youths... played boggle, pictionary, basket ball. :) then we cleared up the place and left after lunch. it was still quite fun and surreal that it was already 2007. ended up in Katong with Adrian, Ben, Jodi, Yuan, Joash, Shawn for LANing... haha.. the Rubber clan still rocks i guess. :) it was like super fun playing with 7 other people. :) it's been a while i guess.

Yeh, then went home and almost crashed... haha cleared up the normal stuff like blogs and all and then crashed after my much needed shower. :) but it was a real fun experience i guess. having a great new year's party [kinda] and having fond memories of the first day of the new year. :)


Jodi, Rui, Sean and Rachel posing for a great new year's eve shot.





At the stroke of midnight, party poopers sent ablaze and abanging. Cheer was in the air as everyone ushered in the new year with a bang. literally.


Everyone captivated by a slideshow of the history of the YF done by Jodi. Full of incriminatingly bad shots of me yes... argh.


Playin some games to keep the atmosphere alive and awake. Stayover games are the fun-nest coz everyone's fighting sleep. :)


The girls playing boogle the next day. Look at the expression on their faces, sheer joy.


Charming Princes of the Youth Fellowship


Lovely Beauties of the Youth Fellowship


The youths who stayed for lunch and clean up. Took a group shot just before we left the place.

Christmas Eve

Christmas eve has come and gone. in a flurry of action, the date passed and all the months and weeks of practicing for the choir performance has finally come to a climax. it was a very different feel for once, sitting in the pews listening and watching the performance rather than being up there on stage giving the performance. :) dunno which i like better, but i know for sure that i could never enjoy this priviledge of sitting out of performances for long. I'll have to re-join the next big thing, it's just whether it's going to be soon or not.

The choir did very well. was encouraged to see many of them giving their all. August conducted well and his solo song was nice can!!! i didn't notice any slipups that caused me to cringe so dun worry august, if you're reading this, i have to tell you that your song was a blessing to me. your face super discouraged after that though, but to me... it doesn't matter... you did a great job. :)
Dad and mum were in the choir. i'm so glad that dad was performing with the choir and really had a fun time during practices and all. happy to hear whenever he relates fun times during rehearsals. :) hope that this won't be his last performance with the choir in time to come. :)

Jason, Thambi and I went all formal for the evening service. it was pretty cool la. glad i could wear my jacket again. was starting to miss it. it was a bit hot though, but that was only during the dinner downstairs so took it off.
Managed to fellowship with some youth like the Puas and others that were really nice and glad... haven't really had the chance to properly talk with people coz i've always had stuff on my mind on sundays. :S

After that, we hung around a long time, then some YAFers came over for a stayover/chill out session. played Taboo, Cards [some of them were la... i wasn't coz taboo was too fun], watching dvd later on and basically piggin out. what brightened the whole thing was that we sang carols and songs and just had a fun time laughing and just letting our hair down for one evening. it was nice. i sit here at 7am, with like 10 minutes of sleep only... watching tricia and nick dozing on the couches behind me... kinda nice and serene... light drizzle outside, sky's still dark and the weather's cooling. the washing has been done so nuthing to worry bout liao. Norah jones is lulling them to sleep while i just glance over occassionally to see that they're still on the couch and not on the floor. haha the rest have left already la...

Yeh, this Christmas feels a bit weird that there's nuthing BIG happening i guess. but big enuf rite? :) On a personal note, it's funny how Christmas makes you say stuff that you might wanna take back after that. Christmas makes you tell the truth and hide nothing, just coz it's Christmas. Well, i dunno whether i should have mentioned some stuff to some person... but the point is that it's out already and we'll see what happens from here on la. SMSing is so lame... so no feeling. :)

Really blessed by every gift that was given, a gift, a card, a handshake or just a smile... meant lots to me. :) so thanks to everyone who somehow made my Christmas special in terms of the horizontal relationship between men. God has been really good and He reminded me how much He's still there and that this season is always and still will be, all about Him. Vertical Relationship, settled! :)

Now to possibly catch another 10 minutes of sleep and then i should be refreshed to tackle the next few hours of awakeness again. haha... parents all tucked in upstairs... such a wonderful weather to sleep in.

"This is the night, of our dear Saviour's Birth."

Suppose

Suppose it were your birthday

And all your friends would come,

And gather round your fireplace

There in your happy home.

They come with smiles and gladness,

And bring their presents too.

But when they start to share them,

There's not a one for you.

They give them to each other,

A grand and costly lot.

But for the guest of honor,

They somehow just forgot.

You say such things don't happen,

Nor should it ever be;

It seems too crude and cruel,

For folks like you and me.

But friend, have you considered,

Just this is what men do?

Not, of course, to humans,

But of our Lord, its true.

We celebrate His birthday

With all our pomp and style;

But give to one another

And grieve Him all the while.

'Tis Christ we claim to honor

At this glad Christmastime;

Don't spend on friends the dollars

And give Him just a dime.

To give to one another

Indeed is very nice;

But best of all to Jesus,

For Him let's sacrifice.

His cause too long has suffered

By thoughtless, selfish men,

Let's bring to Christ the firstfruits,

And give our best to Him

--Fred D. Jarvis

Coz You Had a Bad Day

REAL REAL bad day for me today. here's a summary. :)

Started my day good. woke early enuf, left the house and got to the bus stop and all early. got the nice bus and was on my way to camp with enuf time to be early. and then....

i got on my bus. then i was eating my breakfast and dozing off in my bus.
then when i woke, i realized my bread was on the floor. and it was in a puddle of water on the bus floor.

so i lost my breakfast. never mind...

then i dozed off again and missed my stop. ended up at woodlands interchange. instead of taking the same bus back coz it's 20 minutes and i was already late for reportin to camp, i decided to try taking a cab.

so walked out and tried to hail a cab in the pouring rain for half an hour to no avail.
got so so stressed and decided to try 3 cab companies... 1 said no cabs. 2 were constantly engaged. so i decided that i was dead beyond help.

so i went to take the bus at the interchange.
and after it finally came, the bus left the interchange, made one round and came back coz the aircon spoilt so we all had to get off the bus and wait for the next one... at the same interchange stop. so we all got off and waited for the 'replacement' bus.

finally reached camp and it was pouring and all. huge puddles of water that went up to my ankles [and i'm not exaggerating]...
but thankfully i was wearing my boots so although it was all soaked, it wasn't THAT bad.

But hey, God was with me all the way. it was a bad day, but still, it's made by God so thank God for it. :)

Post camp post

The camp has finally come to a close and it's been a great 5 days of learning, fun and fellowship that the youth have been able to experience. The camp comm is fired up about the whole experience and have surely learnt a lot.

Although i wasn't able to go for the whole camp. i probably only went for 40% of the camp, it still spoke to me and it was sumthing i wouldn't have missed for the world. the Lord worked out as much as was given to me and i was really blessed to go for quite a lot of the camp actually.. Let's look at the schedule of events. Monday - Friday i had to be in army camp from 7am to 5.30pm daily.

Monday - Came to camp at 7pm, stayed over and woke the next morning at 5am to leave for army.
Tuesday - Got called for last minute guard duty so had to stay over in army camp till wed afternoon.
Wednesday - Due to me being called for duty last nite, i was given afternoon off. reached church at 2pm and spent the whole day there, went home to sleep.
Thursday - Last day in OETI so we had afternoon off. cabbed to church and reached at 1.30pm. Stayed over for funnite and woke up the next morning cabbing to boon lay since dinesh had the company paying for him.

So overall, i actually ended up in camp more than i expected and God really showed me how He can use the bad stuff to bring about good. really thank God for helping me be at the camp as much as He did. more than i could ever have asked for coz the days He let me go, those were the days that were important. thank God for that.

So yeh, the camp was a blast. really impressed with the camp comm and zhi yuan. i practically dumped everything to them and said, "if you need me, call me"... i only got like 1 call and it was about some other stuff. :) so i'm really glad everything went well and that the camp comm really did a fantastically fantabulous job la. i was really hoping that nuthing would go wrong and dishearten them but God had a bigger plan for each and every one of them.

The 'Batman and Robin' board was really good. thankful for it. much much love goes out to those who wrote/gave me stuff... really touched by some of the letters and gestures. :) when i came back on wednesday, they were all complaining how my cup had a plastic bag attached to it coz there was no more space... wah, i was so touched and moved that there was so much things for me to clear. feel real bad actually coz i didn't want to show that kinda image... i mean, quite pai seh wad! but thank God for each and every one of those who wrote me.
Next, i also wanna thank those who wrote to others.. to other people other than their batman or robin... it takes initiative to write a card/letter to someone even though you don't need to. thanks for being a blessing and showing how the Angel and Mortal board is supposed to be used. :)

wanna blog more, but i'm real tired. another time...

YF Camp

Superheroes!

Off to camp till friday. catch ya guys later! whee! it's finally here. yf camp.

w950i

In two months time, you're going to be mine. Till then, dun stop being beautiful. :)
*jelly knees*

Just some "bleahs" from me

these few days been kinda... busy in the mind. have been a bit distracted in my thinking. i have no idea what's bugging me or playing in my mind but haven't been very joyful lately. more like joyless. haha but things are doing fine i guess. nothing big happening. maybe that's the problem... nothing big's happening. i've thot of some possibilities as to why i might be a bit out of sorts.. but then again, most don't really make sense.

on other news, youth camp's coming up and stress level is getting a bit high as some stuff are still not finished or finalized... and it kinda bugs me that some of it is partly or fully my fault.. i guess things could be worse and if you look at it from a bird's eye view, everything's going well. but still, you know my particular attention to the minute details and those things bug me if they're out of place. groupings are a headache too. trying to get groups that won't have conflicts or strife... i hope that the groupings will be pleasant and that no one will rip anyone's head off during the camp la. :)

qiang's gone. he's finally left for Shanghai and i guess that empty space that he's left has been awfully silent and quiet. this little pocket of vacuum that leaves the air surrounding it with a gap next to them. The vacuum bubble just lingers on and it's kinda obstructing the flow of the other air... that's kinda how i feel with him gone. it's like, the air's just not complete. will surely miss him for these 4 months. that poot. no news from him so far. he better email back with pics. hahah. :) hope everything's going on smooth there la. :S so many uncertainties. but i guess it's good too. tests me and my friendships.

i'm sitting in the computer lab waiting for my theory test to start after lunch. it's just a major waste of my time coz if we could, we would take the test now and dismiss after lunch. but stupid rules say that we can't dismiss that early today so we're all hoping for something like 2pm. :P anything's better than nothing i guess. :P thank goodness Clarence drove today. then i can chiong to church to do camper. :P

had a nice long talk with my mum last night bout relationship issues, parent child relationship, future plans after ns, lots of things la. sad to say, these few days it gets real hard to jus have time to sit down and talk talk talk like we used to. schedules are packed... sigh. kinda sad la. :) but i'm glad we could share that moment and get her good advice on lots of things. she always is able to put things into perspective when i can't, or won't, really see things clearly.

all the best for your exams angel. :) hope you studied hard enuf and will do well. you never know la.. dun worry k? :) i'm sure you'll be ok. dun da bao... otherwise you have to eat next time too. then sure get fat. hahha.. ok lame. :)

yup. things are still playing in my mind i won't lie. :) but i've learnt to be strong and carry on. i mean, how else would i be standing here smiling everyday if i never learnt to push things aside... the mind is a wonderous thing... it's funny how things can remind you of sumthing and that sumthing can just totally mess you up. all the while, no one knows. :)

went to sitex. saw someone who looked a lot like smjr. i couldn't help but smile thinking how amazingly stunning she still is to me.

Hmmm

Drifting...

wandering...

yf camp's coming soon.

sorry got no posts... will post when i got things to blog bout. dun wanna be posting nuthing...

and everytime i feel like bloggin, it's coz i'm emo... not good time to blog. :)

so... keep watching!

A Life without friends?

sometimes i wonder what life would be like if there were no friends.
friends who would jus meet up for dinner. talk and share over a plate of Al Funghi. Sit at the bus stop with coke in our hands and just chat the time away. To remind you that no matter how crappy a day can get or how boring life in general is, there's still them.

sometimes i wonder what life would be like if there were no friends.
If you ask me, it's not really a life i'd wanna live in.

Trip TO Doulos

Went to Doulos today with a few youth after camp comm meeting. it was really nice being able to get there and get a free tour by Simon. Managed to arrange after quite a bit of arrangement with Ee Ling... finally settled the details as to how we're going to meet Simon and stuff like that. so upon finally reaching the place, we toured the bookroom. I took advantage of the good offers [though i thot i'd spend more]... and got meself a CD!

haha wow. rui buys CDs? original CDs? :) yes! this is proof! haha yeh... haven't heard it yet.. rippin it into my com now so i can hear it properly. :) glad i got it though. i love 4Him songs so it can't be all that bad now can it. :) hopefully can spur me on to constant daily QT on the way to work/camp. :)

Yup, so here are some shots of Doulos from today. :P

The proud land-lubbers that are going to go aboard the Doulos. That's Simon.. far right.. duh. :) He's from Germany and he's 20 years old.

midway thru our tour inside the place... showing us photos of the stuff and staff of doulos... seeing how they work and live in these enviroments really impressed me to think how much better we have it.. even in the army.

Shawn posing to show how tight the wall spaces are... claustrophobic people would have a big problem working on the ship. haha...

The wonder herself. The Doulos... been sailing since 1914... two years after the Titanic was built.. yet God still holding up her hull and ministry afloat all these years...

The tour team after seeing the interior.

I'm sure we were all blessed by today's visit and i'm really glad i went... managed to say hi to Emma and Merkka too. :) yeh. so thanks to Ee Ling, Simon, Merkka and Emma for being such wonderful hosts [they will never read this anyways]... and for all who came for the trip today. it was wonderful. :)

Naruto Problems

on a lighter note, take a look at this. super cute.

Missions

Been playing in my mind since the afternoon of Saturday.

If we're all called to Missions when we accept Christ,
Why do we then call it a loss to leave home?
If we've seen and felt the love of God,
why do we still think giving up a bit of our lives is a sacrifice?
If we've enjoyed His salvation and peace
why do we deny it from others?

now i wonder to myself, what then is He calling me and you to?
Comfort? nahz, leave that behind.
Love? What? His love can't reach you out of S'pore?
Protection? He can't be at two places at one time now can He?

Is then missions just a normal and 'required' part of our Christian life?
Where have we gone to spread the gospel? when have we even tried? when has it even popped into our selfish minds?

Think of those who die every day without Christ. Will they die because we're sheltered here and refuse to leave? or will they die becoz they once were brought to Christ by someone and realized that life lost for Christ is not a loss at all?

Here I am Lord, send me. how many of us can say that?

If you can give 2 years to your nation, what's 2 years for God?
Is missions what is in store for me? for you?

inspirations. The Team from Doulos joined with Ee Ling.

Blah.

The Lord gives, and He takes away.

just a random thot b4 i go to guard duty. will be having guard duty on thurs evening till fri morning.

feel free to disturb me via sms. i'll be very bored. i know i will. :)

ps. Rockapella is GREAT.

Halloween BreakOut

So today was really fun... halloween went off a blast.. it was really great seeing the Exco all pumped up and crazy for the event. Special mention MUST go out to Tricia, Nick and Qiang for coming down 2 nights in a row so that we could all plan and prepare for the event. i think it was the determination and commitment that really touched me. For me, cancelling plans and making myself free was already a choice i made before the week began but for the rest of them, they had to miss dinners or lunches with frens and all.. thanks so much.
And for those who couldn't come down for the planning, i know you guys would have loved to but due to unchangable stuff you couldn't... we understand and we want to say thanks nonetheless coz it all turned out fine so dun worry. :)

The day started out crazy. woke up and did my mad crazy last minute rushing out of stuff coz i didn't get much sleep the night before... we stayed up as best we could to do the final prep like the slideshows and clues and all... it was crazy... fighting the sleeping bug like anything. haha.. but yeh, woke up and after rushing lots of stuff, went out to meet Amin and Michelle at Tampines Mall to discuss t-shirt stuff... then ran some errands [buying of certain items for halloween]... must say that Michelle was a HUGE help running around with me and carrying some of the stuff i was buying coz she didn't want me looking auntie auntie with like 3-4 bags in my hand. haha... then we went to the bubble tea stall and michelle ordered a drink while i secretly 'borrowed' their straws for my game later on in church. haha it was funny la. when they turn around or look down, then my hand will come up and grab two straws.. then michelle take 2 and then i take 2 more and stuff... hahaha baaad! stealing from the shop. oops. haha.. but their oreo crush with pearls is NICE! wanna buy it the next time. haha

So upon lugging a pack-o-ice and many many other things to church, i reached there to see the exco, minus a few people, hard at work tapping up the remaining windows and stuff... it was fun fun fun can! when we played the spooky music over the PA, it jus set the mood right there and then... no one wanted to stay in a room alone after that lor! ahha... but yeh, as time ticked closer and closer, the stress level got higher and higher... but mostly all prepared liao la. :)

Then the rain came and we were like... awww man!!! so we started late but it was all good la... the spook factor wasn't too high [which was kinda good and kinda bad] but the lessons learnt were surely brought across i guess. :)
Some people that MUST be mentioned for 'actively' participating in the event coz they screamed and really were spooked out...
Celia, Michelle, Cherie, Lynn, Sean and jus for mention... Zhi Han and his fake screams. -_-;

haha.. the rest of the stuff has to be captured on film but i dunno whether adrian was able to get good shots.. we'll see, he's still editing. :)

Thanks to everyone who came down or prepared for the event. it was smashing. looking forward to the next big event!!! :)

Tired

Guard duty takes life away from you. You just become a shell... waiting to sleep.

good night world. i'm going to sleep.

Halloween BreakOut Publicity

Today the Exco dressed up as a King, a Tigger, An Angel, A Flower girl, A Santa-ress, a Joker and a Cowboy to publicize the upcoming YF activity this Saturday... Halloween Breakout!

It was real fun... we walked around the fellowship hall after service... much to the amazement of the children and adults, the youth were attracted to the sudden change in sanity of the committee... we walked around in pairs giving out worms... ok fine, GUMMY worms which had the invites PIERCED thru their lengthy bodies. :) managed to get the P6ers and some other we dun normally see at yf.. :) it was real fun la... being crazy for a short while. haha.. can't wait for this saturday. when we go full force. :) mwhaha. watch out.

Other than that, today was very tiring. from the start of the day till the end, it was rushing here and responsibilities there. sigh. busy busy but still lovin' it. :) Everything went to plan and nothing messed up la.. so thank God.

mum performed tonite and it was nice... been a while since i heard Choral music so it was like stepping back in time to those concerts we were forced to attend in choir. haha...

Random thot: The Lohs are such hospitable people and I was indeed, touched by each member's little contribution to making my day fun, special and loved. :) thanks.

Cool online shop

Funky B Christian Apparel

So tempted to buy many many many stuff. hahaha.. :P eee. bad bad. :P

展开清晨的翅膀

wanna share a real nice song with everyone. it's a really nice Christian Chinese song. :) if you want the mp3, here it is.... ps. hope you can see chinese in your browser. :)

展开清晨的翅膀.mp3

展开清晨的翅膀

主耶和华祢已经鉴察了我，
我坐下　我起来，
祢都已晓得，
我行路　我躺卧，
祢都细察，
祢也深知我一切所行

我舌头上的话，
祢没有一句不知道，
祢在我前后环绕着我，
按手在我身上，
这样的奇妙，
是我不能测透，
祢的至高，
祢的尊贵，
是我永远不能所及。

我可以往哪里去躲避祢的灵，
我可以往哪里去逃，
可躲避祢的面，
我若展开清晨的翅膀飞到地极，
就在那里，
祢的双手也必引导我。

Changes to skin

Thanks for noticing that small error in the archives nick.

i like this skin. so you gotta bear with it. why? COZ IT'S MY BLOG. *evil laughter* Mwhaha.

anyways, jus came back from watching the show "The Covenant"... it's MAJORLY bad. really really bad. hahah i wasted my money TOTALLY lor.
sigh... please please dun pay for it. dun even download it off the net. it's not worth the time. :) I hope no one else has wasted their money on it. haha

yuppers. things are going good. today, i started out the first Christian Small Group meeting in Camp... pulled together 7 Christians and during the break time today, we shared around a circle... intro-ed who we are and where we're from... background and other related stuff. :) it was nice to get them all seated together, learning about each other better. :)
Reid, Terry, Staff Philip, Joshua, Clarence and Alvin were the attendees for the first meeting. :) we'll see where this goes and see how God will work in our lives la... hopefully can meet once a week or sumthing to pray or what la. :)

Tricia just called. All the best for your chinese me dear girl. i'm sure you'll be fine but nonetheless, here's a prayer for you! :) Will be lookin forward to hearing bout the results when they're out.

Tomolo's WOW Worship... managed to get Alvin to come. thank God that i've been able to invest my time and effort into him. wanna bring him back to God and wanna help him get back on the path... dun want him moonwalking [backsliding] anymore... you never know who you can impact in the short time on this earth, i hope i can impact him. :) Thank God he's open to being impacted. haha

Thanks be to God for most of the things going on in my life. Getting thru day by day is already a blessing i cannot thank God more for. He sends peace and strength my way with every waking moment.

New Skin

I Love my new Blog Skin. oh my.

love it to bits. :)

L. :)