There are times when you just wonder to yourself whether you're doing things right, whether what you're doing is going to count for eternity and whether whatever you're doing is enough. But what we do is NEVER enough. don't you get it? We can never repay what Christ did for us.
That's what i remembered this week during Good Friday. His sacrifice was not only once and for all but it's something we can never even think we can ever repay. Even if we die for Him, that still wouldn't be enough. We can't live a life of sin then at the last moment [even if we DID have prior knowledge of when it'll end or how long we have] die for Him and expect to end up in Heaven. It just doesn't work that way. He demands us to have a life of pure sacrifice and a life lived for Him.
That's my next point i guess. Surrender. Surrender isn't partial, it isn't pick-and-choose. it's Ultimate, Complete, Whole surrender. You can not keep anything behind and say you've surrendered sumthing. When armies surrender, they don't keep a small resistance force. They don't demand a portion of the land when they surrender. When people/armies surrender, it's complete. The whole territory, the whole rule of a country and for us, our whole life; Every component of it.
Now, God died for you, what will u do for Him?
Today I almost fell to my death. No, I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. I was repairing the sanctuary stage ceiling lightbulb with B.Tsao for the Easter skit. I scaled the ladder all the way to the top and was unscrewing the old bulb from the bulb holder when i leaned out and semi-pushed myself off the wall to get a better angle. I lost balance coz i was leaning out and the ladder shook outwards and so did my body. I looked down and immediately swung myself back inwards holding on to the ladder for dear life even though the ladder itself was swaying. B.Tsao below grabbed on and tried his best to get the ladder to stabilize itself. Once the whole swaying was done, we both were stunned beyond silence and I just laughed away the adrenaline of almost falling although my heart was trying to get its normal beat back. We both realized after that if i did fall, there was no possible way he would have been able to catch me so i'd have either broken some limb really badly or died if i had fallen from that height.
On the way home just now i was thinking of how close i could have come to dying. I recalled everyone important to me and what i did or said last to them. it was scary. to think that what i said to them could have been my last. I'd have celebrated Qiang's 21st birthday and died the very next day. Stuff flooded my mind and then i realized, this is Good Friday week. someone DID die around this time. Jesus Christ, God's Son, gave His life willingly for us. I realized I had been pretty selfish asking myself whether i was ready to die when Jesus died FOR me, for you, for the world.
