More time

I wish I had more time. coming home everyday late, feeling so shagged out.

NISS is suffering. I wish I had more time. Or at least, i wish i spent my time wisely on God rather than on man.

Mobilization Weekend

Sometimes i wish things weren't so complicated and things were straight forward.

This weekend was my mobilization week. that meant that at any time of the day i could be activated and within the next 4 hours, i had to be back in camp ready to attack and fight a war. It was quite exciting coz it's like, you really gotta be ready.

I personally feared that i could be activated halfway throughout YF or Church. My officers told me that normally the time to activate the people would be 10am... and we haven't [as a company] been activated in quite a long time so we're kinda due for an activation. Then at 10.05am, my phone vibrated in my pocket. My heart stopped and i jus inhaled like half the air in the Sanctuary. Took out my phone and it was a message from A.Lai. I was SUPER relieved la... i was like OH SHEET OH SHEET OH SHEET! haha... but thank God that i had an uneventful and unmobilized weekend. :S

However, it made me think. I shared during CE class about how we must always be prepared to give an answer to any man that asks of our faith. It's jus like mobilization. Once the button is pressed, we must be ready to fight the war coz if we aren't, then the country would suffer. Likewise, we must get our weapons [bible knowledge] ready and we ourselves must be ready because the enemy [Satan] will attack at any time when we least expect it. When the button is pressed, are we ready to defend God, our faith and the things we believe in? Or will be slowly take our time to reach the enemy and fight with weapons that aren't sharp, aren't current and aren't relevant. Will we lose and bring down the name of God jus because we weren't actively ready?

Yup. jus a quick sharing la. I'm uber tired now and i HAVE to get to sleep coz there's work tml again. yup. unending... so i'll catch ya guys around yeh? :)

Sometimes i wish life was easy. Life is easy, what's wrong with me.

Sharing Sorrows

Sorry to dump that on you guys. I didn't mean to get the mood down and stuff but since B.Tsao asked, i shared. hope that it didn't affect you guys so much. My problems should stay my problems la. thanks for listening though. I'm glad for this Exco.

I think i'd just rather be alone on this issue. :)

Sweeney Todd

Just watched Sweeney Todd. wow... quite a cool show. but i'm sure it's coz i'm a musical person so this being a musical on big screen prob added to the pros of the show.

the singing and lyrics were pretty cool... the way the camera pans, angles and all that... cinematography... quite neat and the concept.. wow... interesting. had me chuckling at certain points of the show to imagine the warped mentality of the characters.

some said it's too gory and gross.. i say it's still tasteful gore. K maybe a bit too watery... but i thot all the blood was overrated [by people] it's not that bad! or or or ... i could jus be totally desensitized to blood. but i thot the way the bodies fall was pretty neat... pheeww CRUNCH/CRACK. wow.. funky. haha...

loved how it all wrapped up at the end. pretty sad and all [won't spoil it] but it's quite an apt ending if u ask me. :)

Mrs Lovett rawked! she played her character so well considering how hard it prob was. Yeh, so if you're not too easy grossed out, catch the show coz it's quite cool la. but girls, there's LOTS of blood. so yeh, be prepared. :) i give Sweeney Todd.... 7.5/10. Johnny Depp la. haha

Rainbow 彩虹

The rain falls and it pours. It thunders and it streaks across the sky.
I planned to move forward, i planned to get to point B.
But how am i if i can never get through this storm?
How can I even think of not getting wet when it pours so bad?

Then amidst it all, i see something at the end. A Rainbow.
I know i'll get wet, i know i'll get drenched.
But the funny thing is, i don't mind it if there's gonna be a rainbow at the end.
It's time, time to face the rain, to dash out and to get to that side.

My rainbow will help me along the way.
It'll keep me sane, it'll keep me at bay.
I rush out knowing it's there to help.
With my rainbow, i'm never alone.

But the rainbow doesn't know what it means.
It just shines in the sky being beautiful and radiant.
It doesn't know it gives someone joy, escape.
So rainbow, keep giving that glimmer of hope.

It's the only way I can see how the rain won't affect me forever.

p.s. new music. this song is exactly how i feel now. esp this part.

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

The One With a Short Poem about a heavy heart

My heart is heavy
My thoughts astray
My eyes are drenched
My burdens I never did lay

I'm tired of being affected
I'm tired of being forlorn
I'm tired of being ignored
I'm tired of being torn

When will this be over?
When will I stop being in denile?
When will this be resolved?
When will I be able to smile?

Dear Father, You know my thoughts, my pain, my burdens. You know everything I need, everything I want. Give me strength to rely on You and to seek only You for my every day bread. Help me to see You in everything and not be distracted by the people or things in my life. How can I commit myself to You and say I love You when my heart and mind are elsewhere? You knew me before I was and You know me now before I will be. Help me trust in You for Your timing, grace and love.
Man may fail you but God will never fail.
Abba Father, Amen.

Barry Louis Polisar - All I Want Is You

This song is taken from the show Juno... Synopsis here.. which is WONDERFUL go watch it! [but please be above 16 years of age coz it talks bout teenage pregnancy] And if you don't wanna pay for it, come look for me. grinz. it's really good. so sweet. click play at my media section.


If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, let the cold winds blow

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

Bored Speed Typing

78 words

Slosh Slosh

Chinese New Year this year isn't that big a bang. Dunch really know why but this year it feels pretty low key... like we didn't visit much and even when we did, we jus went to eat and say our HIs and stuff... nothing.... culturally explosive about this year. maybe the hype of everything is going down a notch. B.Tsao was commenting about Christmas being lowkey too during that period. mmm i wonder why the world is slowly losing interest in itself. kinda like how youth are losing interest in themselves too. all the emo-ness in the world and their lives and all.

But that's about Chinese New Year. It's crazy ya know... on day 2 of CNY this year, i went to town to watch a movie with some church frens. LOLZ lor. wazzup with that? the cinema wasn't empty either!!! we almost got front row seats [and not in a good way] haha. it was a fun show... caught Kung Fu Dunk... it's quite a funny cute show really... it's MUCH lighthearted than i thot it would be... he pokes quite a lot of fun everywhere and jay's style of humour is quite endearing. :) i must say that i can see why people flock to him and find him very entertaining. :) apart from him being emo, he's got quite a cute likeable side to him... seen clearly in this show. go watch it.

yup... i'm glad for quite a number of things in my life now. i can't say that it's very good or very bad.. it's pretty average, uneventful and mundane.. but that's kinda sumthing to be thankful for too. jus that sumtimes it feels like an ocean and beach.. the waves jus keeps coming over and over again smacking the shore or kissing it lightly.. but u know that another wave is coming.. it's jus the natural flow of things. weeks pass like the waves... u know the next is coming and each can be big or small.. either way, life goes on.

Haven't been keepin up with my NISS for a while now. i'm really screwed messed up. maybe that's why God feels a bit far now. not far la. jus not near... u know, like that "mystic being" other religions talk bout. He's there, jus that my lack of discipline and love is keeping Him there and not here. that kinda thing. :)

Gold Class: Atonement

Ah, if you haven't already tried GV Gold Class, you had NO idea what luxury movie screening is. Amazing experience I had. Watched Atonement there last week and the service was just WONDERFUL. We went like 15 minutes early and was ushered by lovely nice staff to the lounge. The lounge itself is super nice and chic. very up market food and wines. There was a menu which was overpriced but hey, why not go the whole nine yards since we're already there rite? :) Got a brownie and when my friend wasn't around, i managed to get the staff to serve the brownie with a candle on top. This was a special request and i didn't think they'd entertain it, but they surprised me by telling me they were prepared for situations like this.

So on we went into the cinema and the seats were SO cool. u can see them in the photos above. large reclining red couches that are SO comfy.. trust me! and to top things all off, they give us a nice stylish black blanket. So off the shoes went and on the blanket came, it was just such a nice relaxing and cozy feel. Then in came the brownie and the other snacks we bought, all delivered to our small little personal table. It felt like i was royalty. :)

overall, the experience was WONDERFUL and if you have a free ticket or too much money to spend, try it at least once. :) it's cool. haha

Random non structured flow of words

Life is pretty so-so. just getting thru Week after week. Nothing much that's been happening to me i guess. The things that were complicated last week are still complicated this week. The people i deal with haven't changed neither have I changed in the way i deal with them. Life now is just a slow crawl towards ORD which my google countdown tells me is 165 days away. that's roughly about... oh... 5 and a half months?

I dunno. there are times when i have to purposely and consciously silence myself and my urges. Silence them because I know God is putting me thru a refining time so that i will come out as gold. patience is what i need and self control. Stuff that hasn't always been sumthing really big for me. Telling myself that i'm still young, 21 isn't that big a deal and stuff happen more when you're older. I can't say that i have my life under control coz there are lots of times when i find my life being controlled by others, things they say/do/want/feel... that sorta thing. Much of me can be summarized by trying to please others and trying to be who they/i want me to be. Not a bad thing per se, but neither issit constructive or good.

The worst of Alvin's passing is over. It's funny but i have people coming up to me and asking me how i am now. it's been 3 weeks hasn't it? so yeh, my responses is always the same... God gave me strength and the worst is over. surges of sadness and loss comes here and there but they're managable and dealable. I'm just glad God gave me such strong lessons thru it all. right? :)

A blog isn't really a great place to just talk random thots as they pop into your head coz you know there's gonna be people reading this and trying to make things flow jus wants to scream out at you... OIE! THEY NEED STRUCTURE TO READ. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? But let me be excused for this entry at least. i dun wanna structure anything... jus wanna de-stress by writing. typographical diarrhoea. see, i'm not even gonna go back and correct myself if i find errors. I had a fren who's nick name was really cute... it was "Tyepo"... lolz. i thot it was like the most spastik thing yet sensible thing.

surface level. blogging that is. but then again [and i'm jus breaking a bit thru the surface here] so is my life actually. feel that most frenships i have now are just full of surface level frenships. :) some jus a bit deeper than others but most of them jus start with "hahas" and end with "hahaz"... you know, those kinda meaningless conversations.I guess i still carry on with them becoz i know that they're the best i can have now and i'll take whatever i can reach out and grasps onto. even if they leave me so.. wanting... at least i know i had it.

and yet we start another paragraph. let me take a snapshot of how i look like now.
yup. that bad. haha i'm jus waiting for my hair to dry up so i can sleep. but i think it's dry enough so let me jus wrap this entry up. I'm glad for friends [i pray and thank God for them all the time] and i'm glad for family [coz without them i'd be quite astray by now] but most of all, I'm glad for God becoz without His Son, i'd be no where, no one, no thing...

so thank you Jesus.

Just Rubbish Comics

Busy busy week

This week has been mad. Swamped i tell you. swamped with things eating my time and attention. I was just apologizing to Kenneth last nite because I hadn't done a single bit of my NISS [the new bible study] homework. Monday to wed i had exercise so i didn't get home till like 1am thurs... needless to say the rest of the day was tiring coz i had to work. then the rest of the weekday nights were spent doing breakout final preps and writing my article for the weekly. the only time i had was sat night. haha... it's like cramming 6 days of NISS into a few hours on sat night. haha

ended up sleepin at 2 if i'm not wrong... but managed to finish my niss. amazingly enuf i was able to clear what i needed to. hhaaha... but this week has really taken it's toil on me.

haha it's funny, i stopped blogging to chat and now i'm continuing the entry... an hour later... anyways, today was quite ok... church and all. meaningful songs and i thot it was done quite well. pastor gave a good message too and had some efficient and good meetings after that. :)

still glad the breakout comm is going strong and doing well. once again, writers blog i mean.. block... so yeh, take care peeps.

Tribute to God and to Alvin

I wrote an article for my church weekly this week. it was published and thanks be to God, many were encouraged. :) Amen. :) Glory goes to God coz He gave me the words to write. anyways, here it is.

---

I have a friend, Alvin. I knew him from the Army and when I knew him, I got to know he was a backslider. Seeing how the rest of my army friends would ostracise him because he was a bit weird made me make a commitment to God to reach out to him. It was during one of those normal boring guard duties that I took the chance to dig deep and ask him more about his life. It was interesting how he was open as he shared about how he became a Christian and why, due to some conflict with people, stopped attending church. I guess it was either me taking interest in his life or just the chance to share with someone but we hit it off pretty well and I told God that I'll work on bringing him back to Christ.

Amazingly, we were posted to the same workshop and although most pitied me for ending up with him for the rest of my army life, I saw it as a confirmation from God that He wanted me to specifically talk to Alvin about Christ. Over the months, I reached out to him constantly and poked him time and time again about church going. He promised to try his old church again and he did. Occasionally, he'd stop going because of other commitments but I was glad that there was some progress. Over time, we tried starting a prayer meeting in the workshop but apart from Alvin, most weren't too interested in giving up their break time to meet and pray together. Interestingly enough, Alvin and I had some mutual friends whom he had known from Poly and Poly Christian Fellowship. As I spoke to them, I found out that the Christian Fellowship didn't know how to talk to him or reach out to him and actually gave up on trying. It was amazing how God put him into my life so that His work would not be stopped or done in vain. I viewed that as yet another compelling evidence to never give up with Alvin. Outside of work time, Alvin and I would also go and chill out or have a meal together since his girlfriend's place was close to mine. I really enjoyed the fact that God was allowing me this chance to watch a brother grow in his faith and inch closer and closer to the Lord.

However, November 2007, due to a review in his medical status, he was posted out of the workshop to become a storeman in our HQ, Jurong Camp. I personally was taken aback at the sudden re-posting and was disheartened that I had lost a good friend. I didn't let distance stop me from maintaining a good friendship with Alvin and whenever I went to Jurong Camp, looking him up for lunch was a habit. I enjoyed his company and the laughs he brought but he also represented a sense of achievement and accomplishment as I saw how he came back to Christ.

Last Saturday, I got a call from his girlfriend at about 1plus. It was simple, straightforward and unforgettable. “Joel, I don't know who else to call. Alvin met with an bike accident and has passed away.” I stood there in my room stunned as my brain slowly took it all in. My knees buckled and I crumpled to the floor. He has just recently obtained his bike license and I used to joke about how dangerous he would be on the road. Suddenly, it wasn't that funny a joke anymore. In that matter of seconds my whole weekend and life changed. My friend had just died and I couldn't do anything about it. My mind slowly soaked up the details and information as internally, I didn't want to believe it.

I dropped all my commitments, save church, to be there for his girlfriend and family. It took a lot from me and even now, a week after his passing, I still find it hard when I think of my dear friend. However, what I want to say is that if I had ignored God's soft prompting to reach out to him, if I had done the logical thing and mocked him along with my fellow friends, I would be living in regret and guilt now. Brethren, what I can say is that God works in impossibly mysterious ways and although I miss him from time to time, I am so glad I will see Alvin once more in heaven. I hope that all of us take this as an opportunity to re-look those we know who need the Lord. Don't ignore a prompting if God has given it to you because we never know how long we have on this earth with these friends. A burden given by the Lord has a reason and we might not understand it, all He asks is that we obey the still small voice. I started this article with 'I have a friend' and not 'I had a friend' because I know that one day, I'll see him in heaven again and he will always be my friend. I pray you will see your friends there too.

In memory of my dear friend and brother in Christ, Alvin Ho.

Dedicated to Alvin Ho Kah Yun

This post is dedicated to my dear dear friend Alvin Ho. You were a good guy, a great fren and a closer brother. Words fail me to understand why you've been snatched away to be with God now. I can't say I understand but I will accept that it is in His almighty plan. I'm just thankful to God for the chance to know you, to work with you and to pray with you.

I will miss you so much. I already do. Thank you for being my friend, my confidante at times and my brother in Christ. You don't know what you meant to me.
They say life goes on, but life without you inside is going to be way different. I pray you are in a better place, with God. I'll miss you buddy.

"Alvin Ho, formerly from our depo posted to Hq died in a traffic accident in Malaysia. News from Bn Hq"

"Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows."
"...When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me..."

Ukulele Rocker

3 Idiots, Crazy fun. Maybe i'll upload more videos. maybe not. haha

Pay Day

Today's pay day. guess who finally has 4 digits in his bank account. guess guess.

i'll give you a hint: me.

MWHAHA. yayz. i'm so happy. first time in my whole NS life i have 4 digits. and this is like a really rare thing coz even before army, it wasn't easy getting and keeping 4 digits... so here's to the hope once again of staying sustainable. :)

even though today was a really really busy and tiring day... i'm so happy.

everyone should make the 10th of every month something to look forward to.

Coz you had a bad day...

Today wasn't a great day, it was quite bad... but i guess i've had much worse... jus wanna blog bout it coz it gives me an avenue to rant. :)

Work today was a bummer. It was a super long day [hours dragged on forever] and i got a bit pissed off at work today coz my juniors were just blatantly sleeping on the vehicle... it's quite irritating when i kept having to wake them up coz i dun want them to get in trouble. decent courtesy would be to wake yourself up or try not to sleep... yeh, so in the end found myself having to walk away from the vehicle many times just to keep myself from scolding them or saying sumthing i might regret. i like this bunch of juniors, dun wanna spoil that.

Then after work FINALLY ended, took a bus down to tampines to connect to bugis... but i missed my tampines stop coz i dozed a bit... ended up taking the long route to bedok mrt. which was super crowded... got to bugis, met up with M.Seah and J.Foong and had a nice time chatting over dinner. I'm glad we still meet up and we're still quite close to each other. :) we had a fun time swaan-ning Seah bout his officer appointment... we two are sergeants see. ahha. Yup.

So Seah told me a new way to go home, decided to go with him. supposed to be faster. ended up waiting for our bus for quite a while and then after he got off, i got off to get my connecting bus 10. waited for like 15 minutes and i was messaging to avoid dying from boredom... then i looked up and ZOOM bus 10 went by.not just that, it went by and splashed water on my jeans and feet lor. i was like. WTH... sheeeet. ended up at that cold rainy dark bus stop for half an hour. lost my transfer concession coz waited too long and had to run home in the rain after that.

Oh, and it's 5 minutes to my extended bedtime liao. supposed to sleep at 11. sigh

" Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around"

BreakOut SubComm Poster Designing 070108

Can I say with ease that I love the BreakOut SubComm to bits? So hardworking, so committed. I've got SUCH an easy life with them around. lolz.

Met up with the BreakOut SubComm girls last nite [Sera.Tong] 'siam'-ed the camera but she was there] to design the poster for the upcoming BreakOut: PlayStation. It was a fun time of crazy-ness and yet SUMHOW, discussion on what needs to be added on and what needs to be taken out. I guess it's rare that I design a poster with the help of others, most of the time i'd jus do it myself and get it over with. However, this time was refreshing to have their input and their suggestions added on. :) Surely worth the petrol and parking. haha.

Things are really looking good for now, the BreakOut team looks real set to go and minister to the people. Now we're just praying hard that the people show and they have enuf fun to want to bring their friends. I can't emphasize this more. Like how I mentioned in BAYFGM, there's NO POINT planning BreakOuts if you don't come or don't get your friends down as well. We don't plan this coz we love planning activities [though we do], we plan it for the YF to participate and enjoy... we plan it for you.

Look at the BreakOut Sub Comm, look at the Exco. Don't let our efforts go to waste. Come, come for YFs and stuff... you won't regret it. I have never.

BreakOut: PlayStation
26th Jan 2008, 2:41pm, Chapel.

First Post of 2008

Yeh so I'm kinda late for the first post of the new year.. considering how it's already the 6th day of the new year... well, i've been a bit busy with YF and church and work and stuff... yeh, apologies... new year's was good... we chilled at the Puas house which was super uber fun. We played this chinese game...
yes, you MAY stop re-reading that sentence... I DID play a chinese game.. and i WAS quite ok.. i even got to the top... for like, a few seconds but hey! i was there. ahha

It's called 'MA TONG'... yeh, toilet bowl [which i thot meant pail at first but hey, who needs to know that]... and it's a rhythm, chinese game... aiyah, go learn it from someone else and when we've got another big-group-get-together-thing, we'll play it... coz yeh, it's ACTUALLY fun. well, Lynn might not think so. :P ahha

Other than that, we didn't get to use the frog 'awkward silence' thing at Watchnight. like super bummer... haha but watchnight was good... people jus kept coming to the front to give testimony. it was quite a thril... and some of them were really meaningful and i'm glad they came to share.
Ju gave testimony about her grandma which was real good... so happy she shared and FIRST summore. :)

Yups, so here i am, slacking on a sunday evening.. watching the Italian Job on TV. so cool. heh it's like THE mini cooper show. S_xy to the max. :) but aye, i'll settle and be content with my kick as_ honda fit. haha...

I'm glad things are going good nowadays. i mean, i'm at peace with everyone again... and i hope everyone's at peace with me. Have a good 2008 people. heh