I wonder to myself these days,
can love be demonstrated without actions?
i see in you everything i wanna protect.

i see in me, everything i wanna protect you from.

Sitting in the office now, nose is slowly recovering from being held captive in the packing room for the better part of the morning. Finally finished packing 3 years of invoices. it's taken me all this week and a bit of the last to sort, pack and label all the boxes. goodness, there was so many. thankfully i had my zen with me all the time to keep me company when smses were slow in coming back.

These days, honestly, I haven't been myself. In terms of cheerfulness and all. A wise fren questioned me about some stuff and it only made me think much much more about things I knew I shouldn't be thinking of when I'm alone. It's times like this that I see my weakness so clearly. So obviously. So, secretive. I won't say it's my deep dark secret but i know that it's been my mission these few years to continue to battle it. I can't seem to win over it, but i guess me standing here today is proof enuf that i haven't lost.

It scares me sometimes of the things that go thru my head during these times. God seems close yet far. He's a prayer away and I'm constantly talking to Him about it, i mean the Zen isn't very realistic to talk to, but it's like He doesn't really reply. It's like all He is is a listening ear. And that's rubbish coz i know He does speak to me. Just why can't I hear it and why won't I hear it?

I am nothing without You,
Just a shadow passing through.

I suppose He's never far, it's just that we don't listen. so yeh... here I am, trying hard to listen yet shutting any form of Him i can hear. ironic. Now

Holding back is one of the hardest things to do
yet, one of the most necessary.
It's not that i dun care,
it's that i can't.