RollerCoasters

I guess i'm going through a state of mind now that's not very healthy. Things are pulling me up and down and up and down. It really feels like sometimes, i'm just riding a roller coaster and i never know when it's gonna shoot up to the heavens in an estatic state of joy or gladness or dip down low in states of personal disappointment or fear of what's to come. I wonder to myself sometimes whether this is all part of life. I wish to myself sometimes that emotions, feelings, moods and thoughts would jus be plain, simple and routine. Then I think how boring life would be without all these things.

But that's not impt coz we are all on the ride of life and it's whether we choose to enjoy it or not... Aint it? :)
Glad that a lot of decisions in my life has been settled in the past few days. Gives me a sense of comfort as to what's going to happen to me in a few days/weeks/months time... And i am really looking forward to the future now i guess. :) so different, so new, so exciting.

It sucks to see friends fight... Esp when they're all Christian. Like some movie character said... Why can't we all just .... get along?

People change, feelings change [that's a song btw] and i believe it to be very true. When i look back on myself a few years ago [yes, i was thrown into this state becoz i recently dug out some real old photos of me... You'll see them on facebook soon. Lolz, let me upload them]... I am amazed at some decisions i made and some friends i had. Not bad in influence. But more of where they are now. Lots of my sec sch frens are all living their own lives and i barely keep in touch with them. Thankfully there are still a few people who i regularly contact and have helped me along the way... Thanks matt. :)  And some friends i made then, those i was close to.. I look at them now... And i barely even know them. The choices they make, the people they keep, the lives they live. And i wonder to myself... If they can change so much, if what they said last time do not linger true now... Have i changed that much too? It pains my heart sometimes to see these friends becoz more often than not, i choose not to try to get to know them anymore. It's like there's no point banging on a closed door... So i just pray that God would watch over them and keep them in the Way [and no NISS class, i'm not talkin bout the jewish way. Lolz]

But then i look at the present and the future and i see so many potential people coming up and into my life that it's jus excitingly fresh. I saw potential in someone on Sunday that really made me think to myself whether my life should be about me and my plans. Or shouldn't it be to devote myself into people who can be guided towards spiritual maturity? Scary thot but i was likening it to how I was moulded by someone whom i respect so much... And i wonder whether or not it'll be even able to be someone like him, to someone else.... It's wonderful to think. :) mentorship is lacking in my church but what am i doing about it? Sitting and complaining? :)

Yeh, so that's just my thoughts at the start of Tuesday. Mid week [k fine, not really but let me lie to myself ok!!! Lolz]... I'm glad i have an outlet. Not a completely good way coz it's still a public outlet. But at least sumthing i can air my thoughts on. Have a blessed week.

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. John 13:35

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

Doubting His presence

When things start opening up and the light shines through the windows, then do you really get comforted by the fact that yes, God still cares and that He wants to let you know that He's there.

So why can't we remember Him in times of trying and times of uncertainty? Hasn't He proven Himself to us over and over again that there shouldn't be a doubt as to whether God's there? Yet, I find myself struggling over and over again to ask whether this is in line with His will, whether it's what He wants for my life and whether He'll be there to see me through it. :S

I dunch know what it is but i guess that's just my thoughts for now... And it saddens me sumtimes to think that we, as humans, are always doubting the fact that we are humans and not gods. And we're always thinking God's not god but merely someone we turn to when we need.

Mmm ok i'm getting random but i hope i made some sense. Sigh. :)

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

Patience

I sometimes wonder to myself whether patience is worth it. Even Jesus got angry when righteously it was ok to be angry about a certain issue. Of course i'm not saying I'm Jesus but there are many times I feel my patience is just tried coz I just suck it in and let it out in a long sigh or a breath...

Consoling myself that it's just a short while till I don't need to worry bout these things.

But why does it seem like it's not worth it? I know snapping back isn't going to solve anything and thus I seldom... But it's not easy taking it and taking it. I'm scared one day, i won't be able to control myself and patience would be a thing of the past. Please God, cause me never to.

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

Dance like no one's watching

I watched this episode of Cold Case a few weeks ago about this dude who was killed and only found a few years later. Story behind it was that this dude was an aspiring dancer and his father was very against the idea [bcoz his wife was a dancer and she died so he was all bitter and stuff]... But it really stuck with me because it also touched on the subject of dancing being the-end-of-the-line kinda 'profession' and ultimately not for guys.... But like all good shows, the father did approve at the end bcoz, ironically, he saw his wife in his son and didn't want that to disappear.... So sad that his son ended up dying. But yeh... Besides the point.

Dancing has always been viewed as a lesser form of the arts for males and is normally and commonly associated with the female species. Many have tried to break out of that mould and proved to the world that yes, dancing IS also a guy's art... But my point i'm bringing in today is that with so many MORE types of dance other than ballet... Maybe it's even becoming more and more accepted, socially and mentally, as a uni-sex hobby. Of course, you do get the occassional effeminate guy who prances around the stage in tights and a leotard... But i think it's more than that. Dancing is an expression and an outflow of feelings of a song or a dancer. Some dancers who REALLY put in everything and dance like they do, really portray the feelings of a song and do it wonderfully.

Then of course there are stuff like hiphop, street jazz, ballroom, salsa, breakdancing, j/k pop.... The list goes on. I think that dancing is great and dancing helps you be who you aren't in that little few hours... To feel the song and to, as cliche as this sounds, dance as if no one's watching... That's really something i enjoy and guard jealously. Like the instructor says.... For this hour or so, feel the music and want to be some celebrity or dancer you see on stage. Leave who you are outside the door and don't feel paiseh to dance. Coz if you hold back, you're gonna spoil it all. And i believe that is so true. Thankfully i go dancing alone so it's MUCH easier to leave who i am outside the door and jus go in ready.

Hmmmm. Jus spewing thots coz it's pretty lax at the office today.... And also coz i'm going dancing later. Mwhahha :)
I'm sad to think that this might all end in Nov and i might not be dancing for a while. Maybe I'll try to dance when i've left work. Grinz. So yeh, for those who are interested in joining dance, i recommend StudioWu... They're slow in pace and helpful... Jitterbugs is out of the way [for east siders] and Oschool is just a league on it's own... Too tough for beginners. :)

Dance Like there's no one watching... Coz honestly, no one watches.

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

Pic of Desk Updated

Hey, just snapped 2 panoramic shots of my desk at work. It's 2 separate pics that's why u can see where they join.. But the desk is too big to take a nice panoramic shot of the whole table. If i zoom out, then u can't see the details like the pictures and all. Haha

<<desk.jpg>>

Whee! Can u see? There are SO many pics everywhere... My little memories of SingTel and the people i work with i guess. :)

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

A Good Friend's Birthday

Thursday's my good friend's birthday. I only knew him thru the army and yet when i saw the facebook reminder, it tore at my heart. Both at how i'm glad it's his birthday and yet how i haven't seen him in such a long time. He was my little project in the army, my commitment to God and my accountability partner in my unit. Glad to know him as a friend and there are so much i wish i could remind him of and laugh about it. Thank God that He brought him back to the faith.

Met up with Lam, [an army fren] today for lunch and when i came back to the office and saw the facebook reminder of my other fren's birthday, i wished that i had met him up for lunch and laughed about the times in the army. How our superior would scold him for asking stupid questions or not knowing how to do simple maintanence tasking. How I would stand up for him and be the middle man between him and the bosses; the role of a sergeant i guess.

I remember how last year when we were still very close, i smsed him on his birthday; This time a year ago. He was stuck having an exercise outfield and i popped him a birthday sms. It was really fun to just poke fun at how he's sharing his birthday with mosquitos and wild boars. Now, a year later and i wish i could drop him an sms telling him how his uni life must be so damn boring or how he must be really sad coz we haven't gone out in a while...

It's good to have friends in life. They remind you of the good times and pull u thru the bad. It aches my heart to know I'll never be able to tell my fren to have a happy birthday. To remember that he passed away from a bike accident in feb. That that last birthday outfield WAS his last birthday. But his memory lives on and his face, we will never forget. Cherish those around you for u never know when we might have our last birthdays either.

Happy Birthday Alvin. I pray you're smiling down from heaven. Share this slice of cake with me and laugh over the times we had. In 2 days, we celebrate your birth, but more so, we celebrate your life. I miss your stupid voice Alvin.

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

Part Time Work in Nov

Hi guys,

If anyone of you reading this has a job lobang for November period. Let me know ok. I'm looking for a part time job in Nov that pays $6or more per hour... But i can only commit to Nov.

So if you know of any, let me know. Thanks.
Other than that, it's jus another day at the office. There was a nice breeze when i was walking to work. Quite shiok. Reminded me that Mondays don't always have to be sian-i-fied. :)

Weekend was good. Thank God for a good message by Leonard. Thought i brought home was this:

Being Vs Doing.
If you BE what God wants you to BE, you'll naturally DO what He wants you to DO.
But if you DO what God wants you to DO, that doesn't always mean you're BEING who God wants you to BE.

Like always, it's a heart issue compared to an action issue.

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

Webcam's fun

I must say that webcamming with frens jus make the conversation so much "fun-ner" heh.

MSN can't aptly portray the emotions and expression as video can. ahhaha. :) fun fun.
Weekend has been good so far. YF and christmas song practice. :) glad that it's going good i suppose coz i was looking forward to this weekend to break the work week.

totally gonna get it for posting this pic. :) but hey, where's the fun in life if u dun dare to live once in a while.

Blinker Blondes

OH MY GOODNESS. read this. super funny.
Two blondes were driving down the road.

The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

Nakama

I've been reading to catch up on my bleach manga and it's interesting coz there's this underlying theme that keeps coming up here and there in battles and lull periods of the manga... This word called "nakama". It's meant to refer to a fren who's as close as a brother or sister. Someone you fight to protect, defend to save and are willing to die for.

I personally think it's a powerful expression about how strong bonds are formed amongst people. To think of your life and to think who are your nakama you'd fight to protect. Those people you'd give up your life just to ensure that they have theirs. To fight and go through whatever is necessary for them. Scary to think of what you'd do just so that you know they're safe.

It also made me think of what God did for us. Sent Jesus for us. so much more than what we can ever do to each other as mortals.

It struck me today too that it's been quite a while since i've actually physically done things to show people i care about them. Maybe it could be coz i dun think i believe in 'nakama' being used flippantly nowadays. Maybe it's coz it's just a period of my life that i've mentally chosen to have very few close frens, thus less 'nakama'. But a bit of me tends to prefer this. But i dun wanna go too much into detail coz it'll just defeat the whole idealogy of having close frens. But doing something for someone recently just brought back that joy that i used to have a long time ago. There are lines that you shouldn't cross, but it's a pity when you limit yourself so much [for fear of what people might say or think] that you stop showing you care. Sometimes i think i'd much rather show care to my frens than to listen to what people might gossip or say. Words are cheap, attack someone else.

To those who mean the world to me, my nakama, you'd know who you are and i believe the lord has put you people in my life to give it more purpose than it already has. And i thank God for the blessings he gives me in the forms of angels in my life. Friends are everywhere but i believe that that's where they stop. Nakama aren't found around you, they're found in your heart. And your heart is interestingly not within you, it's found between you and your nakama. It's created and watered everytime you spend time with these close friends of yours and as it grows, it'll only get stronger.

To friends, to my 'nakama's, thanks for seeing me thru frustration, joy, pain... i treasure you and i pray that God would help me to be humble about all of this and to be a nakama to you too.

P.s. Happy Birthday to JiaMin and Debbie.

Regards,
Joel Tan

Holiday Backlot

Holy smoke. I get to work and i receive like a dozen emails with text that go sumthing like

"Joel: Please.... Blahblah"

And i'm like WTH. You go holiday and then throw everything back to me?!?! And it's like quite a lot of emails la.

Sigh. Jus spoils my mood la. Then both of them away. There's a rule where you're not all supposed to disappear at one time lor. Ah heck. Anything wrong i'll jus quit lor. :)

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

Baby Reuel

Managed to take an hour off work just now to chiong down to Mount E to visit Kenneth and Yun. They both look well and good despite the little amount of sleep each had and the amount of entertaining they have to keep doing whenever someone visits.

Here's a picture of the cute little thing

He's like really literally wrapped up in swadling clothings and lying in a mang... Eh, no hospital push cart thing. Haha... :) he's real cute and it always makes me wonder how on earth we, sinful creatures, have been given the ability to pro-create. Wonderful gift from the Father that shows His love towards us. :)

Awww. So cute.

Regards,
Joel Tan
Brand Experience

Day 3!

This is me, sitting on the top of the Hippo Bus. It’s actually topless so there’s no roof to the bus. Really fun experience and it makes driving down ANYWHERE so much more exciting and enjoyable. :) Went back to office to take some stuff down to the circuit area and so we [eva and i] took the hippo bus. Imagine that, 2 people, 1 bus. It was all ours la! Haha…
Here’s a video of my hippo bus ride. Tee hee


Then what do u know? The muttons walked in. I’ve emailed Vernon A before asking him to come to the SingTel Race party and all but to be talking to him in person was a different story. I like to meet radio personalities. That day also met Hamish Brown… and hearing them talk is quite entertaining. Listening to the way they talk and how they are articulate and all really makes me want to better my speaking skills too so that maybe one day I’d be a DJ or a newscaster. Quite a dream of mine. But anyways, they’re nice people and I realized that most celebs are always very welcoming with photo taking. As much as they are tired of getting interrupted in their walk, they never fail to stop, make u feel special and snap a photo. :) another side of PR I must pick up too.. but of course no one stops me to take photos with me la. But u get the point.

The following 3 pictures are just bored employees cam-whoring. Ashley and Jeanie are such nice people to work with. So much so that I’d find it so easy to work with them thru the long hours and all. :) the people u work with really make a difference to how it goes and I’m glad that I was plonked here in the lifestyle area with the girls and guys of vm&sd and Samsung. :)




Then since it was the last day and we needed to get high before customers started walking in, we decided to take pictures in the F1 Race suits. We normally let customers wear them and snap a shot but we’ve never done it before ourselves so we decided to. :) snap snap. Haha. Us looking dumb.




Later on in the day, PM Lee Hsien Long walked in. I was pretty surprised coz I thot it was just some Caucasian VIP walking up with all his bodyguards and all. Then my eyes shifted and saw the Caucasian man was talking to this other guy… HOLY SMOKE! THAT’S THE PM!!! Haha.. and we all weren’t expecting it. So it was quite a fun happy surprise. I managed to get my fren to snap this pic while I walked to position myself. Haha. :) quite an interesting experience.

And the highlight of the night. We managed to get ourselves into walk the pit. The pit is where the drivers actually drive thru and pit. So the crew were all there and it was just literally AMAZING to see how the inner workings are and all. :) We walked the whole pit walk and when we got to the Hamilton / MacLaren booth, HAMILTON himself was standing there talking with the crew. What a treat! We wanted to take pictures with him but he went off and the crew stopped us from coming in. But it was like WOAH! THAT’S HAMILTON! Haha…



Here’s a video and some pics of the pit.



And here’s a video of one of the crew of one of the teams getting sprayed coz apparently it was his last race. Haha wow… such friends. :) It looked quite gross too. I think it’s the fire extinguisher kind of stuff and sludge. Literally sludge… dunch know why they use sludge but it was GROSS. Haha poor guy



This shot was taken way back before the F1 actually started. It was taken before the teams got in and all la. Prep stage of F1 but still really nice photo. :)


Yup. So that’s that for F1… wonderful experience and I’m SO glad I took up this internship. It has been great! :) VROOM!!!!

Day 2!

F1 Race Day One and Two!

Sorry, busy now but here are some pics and videos to tease ya'll. :)

So far, day one has been a blast. :) whee!

Day 2

Today's a real tiring day but then again, it's the hype that gets us all going rite? :) Denise Keller is going to be doing a LIVE interview with the simulator peeps in half an hour and the crew's all set up here. we're all pretty tired but there's a job to do and we gotta do it. :) Don't worry, there WILL be pictures. :) whee.alrite! F1 to the max! vroooooom!

Finally, the party's On!

This is the day i've been looking forward to for quite a while now. My SingTel Race Party is finally happening tonite. It's gonna be a blast, lots of fun and ultimately, a good chance to network, meet people and have a good time out of the office. :) There's been Ots, there's been frustrations, there's been scoldings but it's finally come to this point.

A few hours away and i'm still settling the guest list. To print it all out and make sure it's easy to check against when the guests start coming. I'm really looking forward to getting this party kick started, off the runway and over with. Will check back into reality when this is over and the F1 race has run its course.

Vroom, there goes my life. :) ahha the pinnacle of my whole internship actually is tonite. But yet, it's such an anticlimax of expectations. Maybe i've just made it more of a duty than an enjoyment like my first week of work was. Whatever it is, let's party hard!

SingTel Race Party! We'll see you there!

Powerful words: Father Forgive them

You know, often times we don't really take into account a lot of things. When we hear the words "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do" we tend to think, wow. God's great. He forgave us at the Cross and He's a wonderful savior. Nothing wrong there. Just that, do we understand the propensity of that statement? Could we really see what He had gone thru just in those few days before the cross and could we even begin to think how much Strength He needed to have to say those words?

We spat at His face, spat.
We mocked His words, His title, His being.
We laughed at Him and called Him names.
We accused Him falsely of so many things.
We speared His side and beat upon His back with whips that would tear flesh.
We pressed a crown of thorns upon His head until it bled down his face.
We let Him hang there for so long and traded His garments.

Now if someone did all that and so much more to you, would you say "Father, forgive them?"

Regards,
Joel Tan

Starting the day right

Today was so easy to be closer to God. don't really know why but maybe because i woke early, had time to talk to my best brother about his r/s life. It was good to encourage him that what he was doing was the right thing although it tore at his heart. I can't share who this is or what he has to do but i just want to say that when the beating of your heart and the desires of your flesh goes against that which is said in the bible, you really do need people around u to help u focus on God because the screams of the world can be so loud and tempting.
I pray that my brother will find peace in the Lord and ultimately, satisfaction in knowing that although the narrow road is hard, it is the path that leads to righteousness and life eternal.

Then there was the weather. Cool, breezy with a sniff of light rain. It was wonderful and maybe i should have just walked all the way to the MRT this morning. Just that short 2-3 minute walk i had was enough to refresh me and make me real glad to start the day fresh. It was like God's breath breathing down upon me and gently urging me onwards. It was such a great feeling to feel God so early in the day.

Then, there was N.Chan who was innocently standing there waiting for his bus. For some funny reason, i thot i'd see him today. Managed to have a real quick word with him and that was enough. :) It's nice seeing a familiar face and just saying hi.

Then the train ride and now i'm at work. Spent some time this morning doing QT too; something i haven't done in a bazillion years. I'm glad that God let me have that time alone.

oh but my boss jus spoilt my day. :) never mind, won't let her. I've got God on my side. heh

Have a good day peeps!

Sing's 21st

Just came back from Y.Sing's 21st birthday party. I knew that this party was one that couldn't be missed due to who she is to me and many other reasons. It was also a good time to catch up with some of our mutual friends whom i haven't seen in bazillion years.

But sumthing nagged at me and bit at my conscience as the weeks progressed towards the actual day. Bits of me were quite reluctant to go and actually as i drove there today, i was almost half hearted about it. I actually thot i'd feel quite out of place because most of the people i knew there were coming with their significant others... and i just knew that they wouldn't be able to entertain me or catch up proper. So half of me was actually thinking maybe i just shouldn't go. but i wouldn't and couldn't miss this party. so while driving there today, i honestly was having an internal battle knowing that yes, i'll reach there and attend but how much of it would i enjoy? haiz.

but thankfully when i reached there, i realized i knew so much more of her friends than i actually thot and catching up with some of them proved to be ultimately very very refreshing. what shocked me more was how some of her friends i haven't seen in close to 2 years still remember me and how when we talk, it's like there's no barrier at all. Wonderful.

Got to meet some people i've yet to meet too. like Simon... he's someone i've been hoping to meet ever since A.Chew got together with him. so today was like a treat, managed to learn more about him as well. I'd say that she's in good hands and i thank the Lord for him and her coz she looks real happy now. managed to catch her and the rest of the girls laughing away gleefully and all :)

yup. it makes me think how much friends mean to us. we don't say it but we all hope that we'll have enuf frens to make us feel wanted or make us feel like we impacted someone. something her sister said while she was talkin to me stunned me. she said that she wouldn't have enuf close frens to throw a 21st party even if she wanted to last year... made me think, my my... frens ARE that impt to us all. and that's why i was sitting there tonite... becoz of who sing was to me. and becoz i know that if i didn't make the effort to support her and keep her in my life, she'd drift away as well, just like every other fren who has.

scary stuff.

So God brings u new frens, but He also wants u to remember to keep up with those He's already blessed you with.

Happy 21st my dearest Y.Sing. Here's to many many many more years of good, rich, edifying friendship. you mean the world to many people, myself included.

Updates - Ping Pong!

Thanks for reading... i'm sorry this hasn't been updated in a while. honestly, i keep seeing this page everyday and telling myself i've got to update it. but yet i don't. :)

so here goes.. for the sake of the superman [who's actually a girl. weirdo. lolz], the panda and the onion. [woah. what weird people i attract to my blog] haha. jus kidding.

Recently not much has changed. i've picked up table tennis [ping pong] again and actually went to buy myself a ping pong bat. i believe investing into something would make u want to learn it better much more... it's like... u feel the pinch if u pay for the bat and u dun justify it's use? :)

other than that, work has been so-so... been trying to get more interns in to join us but i'm not liking what's to come coz i'm actually real happy with where we are now. with my colleagues and all. but due to some circumstances and situational changes, my goodest fren as to leave us. so bleh... :S but i guess it's also a good opportunity to break out of my comfort zone and get to know other people. kinda like prepping myself for overseas. :)

speaking of that, i'm still waiting my results for the applications. hopefully it's gonna come back with options to choose from then i'll have to pray and pray pray for God to help me make that decision. as for now, i'm jus gonna wait on Him and His guidance and soft prompting...

Yup, so i guess this is about it. thanks for reading and thanks for bothering. i pray that God finds u well wherever u are and that His glory is seen in my life and yours.