Remembering Friends

Just penning down some thoughts because i haven't been doing that in a long time and also coz things have made me think of certain issues. I recently picked up a journal i used to have a long time [2 years] ago and reading what i wrote, i chuckled at my sillyness about some stuff and reflected on other.

What struck me the most actually was how much i treasured a friendship i had back then. I wrote how much i thanked God for it and how it has made me closer to God and stuff... and sad to say, i barely have friendships THAT significant nowadays let alone friendships that so obviously point me to God. maybe it's coz of who i am now and how much i've changed [if i have] or maybe it's jus coz i'm more jaded with life and friends. I dunch really know but i guess things do look they're going on an uphill climb. from here on forth, i see a road that's kinda set before me that will take effort and dedication, but i plan on taking that route up because it doesn't make sense to stay here in the valley. But i know that initiative is everything and initiative in the right friendships. More so than not, i dun seek God first in a friendship [in the sense that it isn't the top priority when i decide on how to spend my time with a friend]... but i pray that God will soften my heart and let me hear Him when He speaks to me. I know these all sound random and haphazard but i pray that God will focus my thots by blogging.

Friends change, friends leave, friends come back. i'm just glad that God doesn't and that friends who point me to God don't leave God coz if they do, i dun really know how i'd get back there. To summarize it all, i'm glad that accountability is coming back and trust and honesty will be closer to home than it was before. Glad that once it's come back to me and once it's all back to normal, i'll continue to live a live accountable to a fren and more importantly, God. May we FOCUS on being who we are in this world with the help of those around us.

And a friend's a friend forever, if the Lord the lord of them.
And a friend will not say never coz the welcome never ends.
Though it's hard to let you go, in the Father's hands we know.
That a lifetime's not too long, to live as friends.

LR thots

LR was great. as always. apart from some issues that were seriously bugging me bad, i think it's jus Satan's way of putting distractions in my mind so that i couldn't/wouldn't focus on God and the work He's doing in Shalom. But thank God that He can always turn a bad thing into something blessed for His purpose... so in the end, everything was ok and i was able to change my outlook of things and make sure LR worked for me and the rest of the exco. i just wanted the exco to be able to spend time together as an exco and bond so that we could face problems next time with one mind and one idea.

I changed my personality profile. shocking enuf, i'm no longer a high I... but i think i should do the PROPER test la. the one we did was super not enuf and totally... DUH... it's like... today i feel like being a D therefore i shall ans all the column 1 answers with a high rating... duhz... lame la. but i tried my best to answer it properly and now i'm a S-I... which is interesting coz ju and cheryl seemed to think i'm a higher C than a year ago. i agree... and i think i attribute that change of character to 3 things... Being Chair last time, being secretary now and growing old. yes... growing old... maturity sumtimes saps some I-ness away from you... but like i told them, i want to be a high S instead of I... why? i'm not too sure. guess i'm jus kinda tired of being labelled highly enthusiastic and ignorant to other things around me. it's time to pass on the flame and let others have a shot at being the crazy limelight one. i'm more quiet now and though there are many times, when the situation calls for, i can still invoke my high I-ness and shamelessly do something, i think it's more of a character quality i can call up instead of it being me. :) so it's like a skill more than a character now. not sure.

other than that, as of today.. i've for 27 more days in the army. i'm really looking forward to gettin out coz i guess i'm a bit jaded and sick of the life there. there's been lots happening at my camp and they've really strained a lot of the relationships of the men and the leaders and stuff. and i jus want to leave it all coz it's really taking a lot of my time, emotions and friendships away from me. good news is, the workload of the workshop is gonna hit a high period soon so we're going to be working our butts off... jus before i ord... so yeh, i have no idea how to clear the remaining measley 4.5days of off and leave before i ord. yup, it's that sad. haiz. whatever rite? 27 more days. jus bite the bullet rui... ok, not literally coz that could get me charged.
*p.s. i have NO idea how people can go 2 and a half years here. dun even talk bout signing on.*

yup. so my life's been like that la. nothing much happening i guess. jus wondering how things will change in a year's time. quite a huge change for me.. but we'll see.

yup, i got much to do actually... so blogging is really not sumthing i should be doing now. but i know it's been forever since i did. so here's the much anticipated [yeh rite] post... oh... i bought a new pair of pumas... first ever. :) ducati can. haha check it out.



have a good weekend peeps!

Off to LR! Leader's Retreat

Hey peeps... i'm off to a 3 day in depth focus on God's Word and the YF. :) Yup! It's our annual YF Leader's Retreat once again. I can't say how much i'm looking forward to this camp too. guess it's a bit coz of how i need to discipline myself and these camps normally do the job... and of course coz it's for the youth too la. the reason we plan things, the people we reach out to and the things we do are for the youths. :)

So keep us in prayer as we brainstorm activities and the focus for the next YF year!
Benjamin, Zhi Han, Rui, Cheryl, Julia, Arthur, Jamie, Michelle.

Glory to God above!

Reflections on Church Camp 2008

Glad that i'm all back safe and sound from church camp. this is surely one church camp i'll remember for a long time. not so much because of the people and the activities we did in camp but more coz of the planning of the camp and the things i learnt in the camp.

First of all, i must say that this year has been ultra tiring and very often quite stressful. I thought that publicity wouldn't be so busy during camp itself but since everyone was pretty busy, i took over roles that really took up my time. i'm not complaining here, i'm jus recollecting the experiences in camp. Yeh so throughout the camp i was running here and there making things happen seaminglessly. :) it was pretty stressful seriously... making sure that everything ran according to schedule and stuff.. really didn't have free time at all except the last day... but then again, that was only an hour coz the rest was taken up. Nonetheless, i still managed to find time to go to the gym twice. YAYZ. hmm i should go to my home gym too la. but no time now. shucks. stupid random thot. anyhoo... thank God that everything went well coz it wasn't easy shuttling from projector to guitar to zen [to record messages] to stage for HOOKs and SKITs and back to my seat to copy notes for the workshop after the sermon. :)

And then the other issue bout this year's church camp that i'll remember isn't really a sweet memory. it's more of a confirmation to me. to not be so distracted by the people around me. Focusing on God [even in church camp] can be so hard. So often, i confess, i get lost thinking what others might think or what others might wanna do before i ask what God wants me to do or what God thinks [if He does even need to think] at that point of time. Sometimes bad thoughts creep into my head and then my thots gets turned from God to that bad thot... and it's not good coz it's fruitless thinking. There are always easier things to do than to worry bout what my brain tells me but i just can't help it sometimes, i'm human and humans fail and fall.
Just need to be more focused on the right things and not be distracted on the way.

Glad that quite a number of youth could make it for church camp. Their presence really did play a big part in the ultimate enjoyment of camp. Tiang was a fabulous roommate. ass. locked me out on the last day coz he was such a log sleeping away while i was furiously spamming the doorbell outside for 20 minutes. ahha... haiz. what to do? he was tired, can't blame him totally.

So yeh, here i am, back to reality. Back from the retreat with God and His people. everyone wishes it could last longer but God calls us to a short retreat and thus, we should all enjoy how much time we've been given. Just that sometimes when we're thrown back into this world, the distractions get so much louder than His small voice. Just hope that i can keep trusting God and focusing on Him. don't wanna lose it.

p.s. photos from church camp will be up shortly.

LEADER'S RETREAT IN 2 WEEKS!!! WOOTZ!

At Church Camp 2008

So, as I hoped, there's internet here and i planned to blog one day during the camp. At least to jus say that i've blogged from malaysia, saujana... so here's the post... finally have some spect of free time... waiting for e.kang to come down to my room now so we can go practice for tonite... putting up a skit that apparently a lot of people like [thank God for that] and so we're working on expanding it all for the sake of humiliation, shamefulness and a good time.... of course those are all on our part, all they do is laugh. :)

But church camp has been a blast... really... it's been fun and tiring all at the same time and like always, i never want it to end. just glad that i'm able to enjoy myself and learn more bout God and the Scripture. I really do wish i could spend more time with certain people and less time in debrief meetings are rehearsals for some skit like the one i'll have real soon... but you know, someone's gotta do it. :)

so yeh, i think i have learnt quite a bit from the camp, from running it and seeing how it's run in the background. We all know how camps are run but when we run a christian camp for our home church, there are lots of things we need to be sensitive about, and we sometimes really see the bad side of people... just reminds me that Man can fail us or disappoint us but God never.

Hoped that during this church camp i wouldn't be too distracted. oki gotta go. ciaoz!

Off to church camp!

Hey hey hey! guess who's finally getting a break from army life and everything else singapore related? Let me give u a hint...

ME!

mwhaha! yuppers. i'll be out of your life and uncontactable by phone from the 2nd to the 6th of june. I hear there's internet so i'll prob still be online when i can... and if there's really sumthing SUPER urgent, email me... but please, allow me to run away from you for just ONE week... please? haha..

yup! i can't wait to go tomolo.. been dying for church camp since well... since the last one ended i suppose. haha... yayz. it's been a year of waiting and a year since HANsome and RUIdiant was formed. amazing huh? but well, time flies... so yup, jus posting to say i'm not around. don't call me.

Take care yo!

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby

Zhng my car's sound system!

Woo! Yesterday was my first proper experience with Zhng [modifying] my car... took a half day off and went down to the workshop with Leonard to zhng my car... Leonard was so kind to pass me his old speakers and active sub... these things aren't cheap i tell you.

So anyways, spent bout 3 hours at the workshop waiting... watching them strip the car down was interesting... my door became this piece of metal that jus looked so ugly.. really saw how the cosmetics of a car or any type of vehicle makes it look so much nicer. ahha... then they took out my chair so they could put my sub underneath it and it was quite hilarious coz in the morning, i actually took out my workshop's vehicle's chair too. ahha so it was like the same thing happening, jus that now instead of my military vehicle, it's my honda fit. :)

so anyways, to cut things short, i spent $150 on putting 2 more speakers in, 1 active sub under my seat and 2 tweeters in front... now my sound system is like OH MY GOODNESS. :) but my butt constantly vibrates coz of the sub la. but who cares... hahaha whee!!!

love it.

8 Weeks to ORD

Save the NS Boy, Save the world.
ORD in 8 weeks. goodness. it's gonna pass by really quickly. :) 53days left... :)

p.s. now i've got free time after ORD... anyone wanna take a short trip somewhere? malaysia shopping? haha... come la! lolz.

Dealing with Disappointment [local 'U's]

I'm not gonna let Satan get this one. He will NOT steal my trust away from God. There is nothing that will make me forsake the God of Abraham and though I walk through tough times and mountains that loom overhead, I will fear only of the consequences if I don't trust Him now. Though the path looks grim and weary, I will push on for I know the Lord watches over me and gives me the much needed grace for the next day.
Though every inch of me tells me to be depressed, I will find joy in the Lord for He is my maker and my deliverer. He will be with me through my life and I will trust in Him.

The verses below have given me encouragement and I pray they will the same to you if you ever feel disappointed. Amen.

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD.
I will be joyful in God my Savior (Hab. 3:17-18)

Reply from NUS

Application status

The general stages for the application status are
Application received --> Application processing --> Outcome of application

Your current status is Admission denied.

---

:) This is going to be interesting. I'm pretty down right now. I dunno, I'd rather not blog. Guess I'll have to consider my other options now. Oh my... I've reached the end.

come back soon?

I miss you much.



come back soon. please?

Life's a game. Roll on!

Sometimes you feel like you have no control over things. sometimes u feel that life is jus a game that u can't plan or arrange. That your next move is just as simple as a roll of the dice yet whatever square you land on can have dire consequences. You sometimes land on 'Chance' and an oppotunity knocks at your door. Or you land on 'Go to Jail' and have to face the music for a 'crime' u might have committed. You can't predict your next move, you can't plan ahead. All you do is roll the dice. turn after turn.

Sometimes we feel that way don't we? Sometimes I do. Sometimes i feel like i've got no control. i feel toyed? played around with and forced to make a decision or plan my next steps based on what square i land on.

But it's that the whole point? that all we CAN do is leave it up to the game master. the one who has all the 'game' planned out. the one who knows the start and the end and knows that whatever square you land on, it's for His plan and purpose. And though we feel toyed, it's coz we dun see the end goal, the finality of it all. The 'Pass Go and collect $200' sign. We just see the situation we're in.
So now, let me ask u and myself.. issit that hard to play a game knowing that the game master's your Heavenly Father who loves you? well, yes it is. but it's not impossible. trust.

easier said than done huh? Well, guess wad. You rolled a double 6. you get another roll.

Reply from SMU

Your application was not successful. Unfortunately, we received many more applications than there are places.We will be notifying you in writing shortly. Thank you for your interest in SMU.

:) 2 down. NUS left.

Reply from NTU

Dear Mr Tan

APPLICATION FOR ADMISSION TO NANYANG TECHNOLOGICAL UNIVERSITY IN ACADEMIC YEAR 2008-09

Thank you for your application and your interest in studying at our university.

We appreciate the time and effort you took in applying to us. Each application we receive has its merits. With the record number of applications we received this year, competition for limited places has been very strong.

We have reviewed your application thoroughly but regret to inform you that you have not been successful in your application. We assure you that the University Selection Committee had considered your application to the fullest extent before arriving at this difficult decision.

With best wishe... blahblah [not impt liao]

Yuppers. Glad that finally I got a reply. At least i've cleared one uni out of the way. 2 more to go. Thank God that He's closing doors and stuff coz really, it's harder to decide when everything's open. And He does make His plan clearer for me. :) I'm happy that at least the first to reply was NTU... the one i had no hope of getting into anyways. so there's still hope for the other 2. :) Let's jus wait and see what happens la. Whatever it is, I love God.

'if we win, we praise Him; and if we lose we praise Him. Either way. We honor Him with our actions and our attitudes.' - Facing the Giants.

p.s. please do not send 'i hope you're ok' smses or tags or what. Honestly, I'm FINE! So please... frankly it's irritating to get pity-messages. :)

Email from NUS... false alarm

I got an email today from NUS. once i saw it in my inbox i flew downstairs to call my parents... mum followed me to my room to open the email. and it was a super stupid false alarm.

Some dumb survey they wanted me to do to see how well their admissions campaigning exercise went. WAH LAU... i seriously thot i finally got a reply.

haiz... whatever man... praying God will just help me accept whatever comes.

Today, met up with Y.S and Mel. very interesting discussions we had... Got me thinking quite a bit. I pray I'll stay close to God as I continue to grow... it's a scary world out there and I realized today how much I didn't wanna lose God. haiz. praying hard for me, frens and those who need God.

Disappointed with Studies taking top priority

I guess people will always let you down and disappoint you won't they? Simple things can seem so.. obvious yet when crunch time comes, people act and respond in such shocking ways. It was just last week that we all talked about a certain topic taking God's place as first in your life. We spoke about how we shouldn't put studies above God, we talked about how some people put so much priority in the wrong things in life.

yet, here we have it... a week after that same discussion that I hear someone saying to me that they can't come because they gotta stay home to study. I'm just a bit disappointed. Don't say sorry to me, dun say sorry i can't come. Coz really, you shouldn't be saying sorry to me, not to me. You should instead direct your apologies or excuses even to someone else... someone who you should be staying accountable to... and that's not me, that's God. I understand why you need to study and all... and the reasons i hear are legitimate.. don't worry. I'm jus saddened about the issue and I want to blog bout it coz i'm jus sad it has to happen.

I'm not pointing fingers at anyone coz i'm always guilty of such too. but i'm just disappointed that sometimes we can be so convicted about sumthing and then when it demands our commitment, we turn our backs. :S

Leonard raised this point during one of his sermons that i brought up during YAF today... he said, and i don't quote coz these are my words paraphrased from his point...
'People want changed lives but yet, they don't want their lives changed'
'People are willing to follow Jesus until it costs them something'

myself included. We're all sinful... but let's all press on to try to be who we are when it's most needed. Walk the walk we talk.

Uni Applications Bugging Me

NUS says:
Application status
The general stages for the application status are
Application received --> Application processing --> Outcome of application
Your current status is Application processing.

---

SMU says,
Thank you for your interest in SMU. Your application is currently being processed. We will inform you of the outcome of your application in due course.

---

NTU says,
well... NTU doesn't say anything coz they dun even have a page that tells u whether you're awaiting a response from them...

---

I am so sick of seeing these on the Uni application webpages... it's like... INCONCLUSIVE! let me know whether i'm in or not soon please!!! :S I've been waiting for a reply from NUS, NTU, SMU for the longest time.

mood: in suspenseful shit

W760... mine.... soon.

I will own this in a few weeks time... :) why? coz i'm going to buy it when i ORD. :) which is in a few weeks time... to be exact, it's 11weeks time.. that's like 2 plus months! wootz!!! haha anyways... i really quite like this phone. seems like quite a nice match for me. i've always wanted a nice walkman sony ericsson phone... so till i find something wrong with this phone or find sumthing better, this shall be what i'm aiming for... hopefully when it DOES properly come out, it won't be expensive. we'll see now shant we? ahha

Need a good phone coz mine has wanted to ORD from me for a long time... it's been crapping up, lousy reception, bad keys, no functions, useless battery... the only good thing about it is prob the look of it, the fact that it's a flip phone and the size. :) other than that.... hmmm. haha

We'll see how la. will save money for it and try to pay for it coz i never like to make my parents pay for anything i own... except the car and laptop. haha coz u know, they run into the thousands so there's no way i can pay for them. :S haha... and i am very grateful for everything i own which isn't paid for by myself... which is everything around me actually. like the house. HAHA...

Talkin bout that, i bought meself a trucker cap! yayz... ahha slowly completing my hiphop waredrobe.. which right now consists of 1 cargo pants, 1 trucker cap, 1 pair of shoes and 3 ankle socks... yarh. managed to grab some socks the other day too. i need want new shoes coz the insoles of the one i wear is gone... i need want new cargos coz having one cargo pants is just not enough... so sian.


On other news, i'm glad i'm off tml coz i have NO mood to go back to work. i guess it's coz we slogged quite a bit at work the past few days so that we could earn this off... and i'm glad i dun have to go to work coz i'm pretty sick of it. :) it's not so much the ORD mood, it's the fact that there just isn't anything to work for. i could go on and on about how i am TOTALLY not satisfied/contented/pleased with my workplace and the people there but i dun wanna be arrested... with 2 more months left... who wants to be a bellringer? and i'm not talkin bout some glam gameshow here... :)

Apart from that and all, i'm pretty ok with life. it's slowly moving i suppose. frens come and go rite? likewise for many things in life. ah... who am i kidding, when i've reached this point of the blog post, i just dun feel like blogging. hahah hope the top section has given u enuf to not demand for a 2nd post. :)

Here's a cool vid i found. It's for those people who love drifting... check it out yo. It's a truck... now how pro is that!

Purpose.

I don't know if it's God trying to tell us, YF, something... whether He's telling ME something or what but there has been some coincidences about a certain topic that keeps coming up in Shalom. Let me start where it should start...

Yesterday, we had the video screening of 'Facing the Giants' and it was wonderful... the show was great and the discussion after was done really well. Kudos to M.Chan and J.Low for doing such a great job facilitating the discussion. During the discussion, we talked about purpose... why we do things.. what's our purpose on this earth and what is success measured as in singapore? why do studies take a higher priority than church and God? In the show, there was a quote we all loved... it says, "If we win, we praise God and if we lose, we praise God. No matter what, we honour God with our lives"... and that really stayed with me... whatever the result, if we play for God, it doesn't matter now does it... God doesn't want us to score well, He doesn't want us to be the best in class. He doesn't grade us based on that. He just wants us to love Him with ALL our heart, soul and mind. So when we are here... what then is our purpose?

Today, the sermon topic was "win or lose, we praise God"... woah! haha... so freaky... and then during NISS class, we started talkin bout purpose again. and the discussion was EXACTLY like the discussion we had yesterday and the funny thing was that my NISS class people were the people who DIDN'T go for YF... so it was like woah... we're talkin bout the SAME things... exactly the same answers and discussion stuff. so cool la. i was jus sittin there smiling away watching them talk.

K.Tan raised up a real good point today. He was tellin us of this quote... sumthing like...
If your purpose on this earth is to worship God then forget it. coz it'll always be incomplete... wait for heaven... you'll worship God proper there. If your purpose is to serve then forget that too. coz you'll be serving in heaven and it'll be free of pride and greed. But maybe our purpose on this earth now is something we can't do in heaven. What is the only thing we can't do in heaven? Reach lost souls for Christ... so maybe that's why we're still here... still alive and still given the next day of our lives to live. now doesn't it make u think of how much we're fulfiling that purpose? :)

just a thot to throw around in your heads as we start yet another week of life for Him. :) stay strong brothers, sisters and for those who have yet to believe in christ... consider the fact that our purpose on earth is defined only by someone who isn't in this world... :)